Woody
03-31-2005, 04:27 PM
CLUB MED
I love going on vacation. It's always nice to have something to look forward to…a cruise, the Caribbean, a ski trip, Europe. I live in Calgary, Alberta so I don't have circulation in my fingertips from October through March. I adore living in the West and being one hour from Banff and the majestic Rockie Mountains, but I also hate living in a climate where any exposed body hair morphs into an icicle and I have to blow-dry my face. I spend six months of the year with a runny nose and static cling while exfoliating enough layers of dry, dead skin to create another person. I no longer carry fashionable shades of lipstick in my purse, but rather multi-flavoured Chapsticks. Dave and I hope to visit the Dominican Republic again this year, where cute cabana boys in thongs will bring me cool, fruity drinks with Lilliputian umbrellas in them. And when we travel to warmer climates, Newman also goes on vacation to the Southern Alberta Country Club and Pet Resort for the discerning dog.
The first time we had to leave Newman at the Country Club, or "The Double C" as we like to call it, was back in September when we had to go to Jasper for four days. I was hesitant to use a kennel because I have heard such horror stories about pups getting kennel cough, barking incessantly when they arrive back home and acquiring other bad habits from less refined dogs. I knew The Double C would be different because their ad in the Yellow Pages said "Four-star resort with swimming pool, water sports, theme parties, activity director, spa, games room and nightly entertainment on the Lido Deck". I am almost willing to stay there myself and send Newman to Punta Cana. Advertisements can be deceiving, so I went to investigate this kennel for myself. To say that this kennel is "adequate" for dogs would be like saying that Courtney Love could use some parenting advice. This canine haven could be featured on "Lifestyles of the Spoiled and Hairy" and photographed for "Architectural Dogest".
As I drove out into the country south of Calgary and turned down a dirt road towards The Double C, I was welcomed by homemade painted signs exclaiming "Slow Down, Dogs at Play" and "Boarding Here is Ruff". I travelled down a winding lane that reminded me of a Beverley Hills driveway that would lead to a 10,000 square foot manse. I exited my car and was immediately struck by the music being piped over the outdoor loudspeakers. They were playing "Hot, Hot, Hot" and I thought I saw a line of dogs competing in a limbo contest. However, my view was obstructed by a golf cart chauffeuring a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel over to the tennis courts. Apparently in the evenings, the music is replaced with the more dulcet sounds of Kenny G so as to induce a more peaceful sleep. Sometimes they play ballads by Michael Bolton or Barry Manilow and the dogs go into a self-induced coma just so they can't hear it. I introduced myself at the reception desk and requested a tour of their facilities. When the very pleasant woman wearing an "I ♥ DOGS" t-shirt asked which "wing" of the complex I wanted to see first, I knew that my spoiled Lab would find these accommodations to be within his acceptable limits.
We started in the welcoming area where Newman would first meet his one-on-one personal handler for the duration of his stay. It was an indoor-outdoor play area where they could mingle and have a getting-to-know-you cocktail if they so desired. From there, I was taken down a long corridor into an adjacent building that housed the feeding area. At this juncture, I half expected to be handed menus to select Newman's daily meals and to inform them of any seafood or nut allergies, but I was relieved to hear that I should provide them with his regular food. From there we went to the grooming and spa "cabin" where you can pay for those typical doggie extras such as deep tissue massage, hot oil treatments and aromatherapy sessions. They also offered a rich mineral full-body mud wrap, but I advised them that I would merely throw Newman in a dirt pile after it rained. Not only did the white-coated technician not find this amusing, but she chastised me for endangering Newman's large pore problem around the delicate nose area. This would explain the Biore strip plastered across a Sharpei's snout to assist him with his delicate nose problem breathing. After perusing their specialty fur care products called "Don't Fret Over Your Split-End Pet", we moved on to the activity area where I was introduced to "Julie", the social director. She enquired what Newman's exercise requirements were and, after deciding that she must own a cat, I said "ummmm….running and playing". She scoffed and demanded to know his cardio activity to strength training ratio, his brand of power bars and whether he used any Thermojetic, ephedrine-free supplements. After looking around for the crew of "Punk'd", I said that he was a natural athlete requiring only Aquafina in a bowl.
I was taken on a lovely stroll outside to view the off-leash area, hiking trails and man-made pond for swimming. You also had the option of choosing bonus activities such as musical chairs, salsa dancing and Ashtanga yoga. I opted for one hour of unsupervised television a night (I chose "Dogs with Jobs" in the hopes of guilting Newman into something other than "Canines and the Couches They Love") and a Ouji board séance with the Pet Psychic.
Before leaving the Double C, I was introduced to the on-site vet, animal health technician, chiropractor, etiquette advisor, dispute mediator, publicist and personal stylist (for those of you who insist on dressing your dogs a la William Wegman, but have the style sense of Boy George). I was informed of the heated floors in the dog runs, soft white lighting, feng shui placement of the peeing posts and a blessing of the premises by a non-denominational minister. I was asked if Newman would be expecting any guests during his sojourn, such as his astrologist or Deepok Chopra and I quite cheekily replied that they could anticipate his wedding planner because he had recently met a Borzoi and fallen in love. I was told that the grounds of the Double C were breathtaking in the summer and provided a lovely wedding backdrop.
When you pick up your beloved pup after you have returned from your "what happened at Club Med, stays at Club Med" vacation, your dog's personal handler will provide you with a report card that summarizes your dog's stay. Newman received mostly Bs and B+s, but there was a notation that read "Newman is a fine boy, if not somewhat easily distracted. He knows his basic commands, but if he applied himself more to his studies, rather than organizing a posse to invade the cat complex, he could easily be an obedience champion. I noticed that Newman is very food motivated and his preference for smooth peanut butter over crunchie has been duly noted in his file. Newman gets along well with others, specifically the kitchen staff. We tried putting a chef's hat on him, but he immediately balked and buried it under the dwarf lawn ornaments. We look forward to Newman's next visit and recommend that you give us a week's notice so that we may stock up on Jif".
I left the Country Club and Pet Resort completely dazed and questioning my abilities as a dog owner. I couldn't compete with this lavish pampering and sinful over-excess, let alone provide what seemed like essential services. But when I walked into my house after returning from the Taj Mahal of kennels and saw Newman sprawled in front of the fireplace with four feet in the air, drooling on the hardwood and snoring like a Pug, I realized that there was one thing that the Double C was not. Home.
Dee Clair
Calgary, Alberta
I love going on vacation. It's always nice to have something to look forward to…a cruise, the Caribbean, a ski trip, Europe. I live in Calgary, Alberta so I don't have circulation in my fingertips from October through March. I adore living in the West and being one hour from Banff and the majestic Rockie Mountains, but I also hate living in a climate where any exposed body hair morphs into an icicle and I have to blow-dry my face. I spend six months of the year with a runny nose and static cling while exfoliating enough layers of dry, dead skin to create another person. I no longer carry fashionable shades of lipstick in my purse, but rather multi-flavoured Chapsticks. Dave and I hope to visit the Dominican Republic again this year, where cute cabana boys in thongs will bring me cool, fruity drinks with Lilliputian umbrellas in them. And when we travel to warmer climates, Newman also goes on vacation to the Southern Alberta Country Club and Pet Resort for the discerning dog.
The first time we had to leave Newman at the Country Club, or "The Double C" as we like to call it, was back in September when we had to go to Jasper for four days. I was hesitant to use a kennel because I have heard such horror stories about pups getting kennel cough, barking incessantly when they arrive back home and acquiring other bad habits from less refined dogs. I knew The Double C would be different because their ad in the Yellow Pages said "Four-star resort with swimming pool, water sports, theme parties, activity director, spa, games room and nightly entertainment on the Lido Deck". I am almost willing to stay there myself and send Newman to Punta Cana. Advertisements can be deceiving, so I went to investigate this kennel for myself. To say that this kennel is "adequate" for dogs would be like saying that Courtney Love could use some parenting advice. This canine haven could be featured on "Lifestyles of the Spoiled and Hairy" and photographed for "Architectural Dogest".
As I drove out into the country south of Calgary and turned down a dirt road towards The Double C, I was welcomed by homemade painted signs exclaiming "Slow Down, Dogs at Play" and "Boarding Here is Ruff". I travelled down a winding lane that reminded me of a Beverley Hills driveway that would lead to a 10,000 square foot manse. I exited my car and was immediately struck by the music being piped over the outdoor loudspeakers. They were playing "Hot, Hot, Hot" and I thought I saw a line of dogs competing in a limbo contest. However, my view was obstructed by a golf cart chauffeuring a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel over to the tennis courts. Apparently in the evenings, the music is replaced with the more dulcet sounds of Kenny G so as to induce a more peaceful sleep. Sometimes they play ballads by Michael Bolton or Barry Manilow and the dogs go into a self-induced coma just so they can't hear it. I introduced myself at the reception desk and requested a tour of their facilities. When the very pleasant woman wearing an "I ♥ DOGS" t-shirt asked which "wing" of the complex I wanted to see first, I knew that my spoiled Lab would find these accommodations to be within his acceptable limits.
We started in the welcoming area where Newman would first meet his one-on-one personal handler for the duration of his stay. It was an indoor-outdoor play area where they could mingle and have a getting-to-know-you cocktail if they so desired. From there, I was taken down a long corridor into an adjacent building that housed the feeding area. At this juncture, I half expected to be handed menus to select Newman's daily meals and to inform them of any seafood or nut allergies, but I was relieved to hear that I should provide them with his regular food. From there we went to the grooming and spa "cabin" where you can pay for those typical doggie extras such as deep tissue massage, hot oil treatments and aromatherapy sessions. They also offered a rich mineral full-body mud wrap, but I advised them that I would merely throw Newman in a dirt pile after it rained. Not only did the white-coated technician not find this amusing, but she chastised me for endangering Newman's large pore problem around the delicate nose area. This would explain the Biore strip plastered across a Sharpei's snout to assist him with his delicate nose problem breathing. After perusing their specialty fur care products called "Don't Fret Over Your Split-End Pet", we moved on to the activity area where I was introduced to "Julie", the social director. She enquired what Newman's exercise requirements were and, after deciding that she must own a cat, I said "ummmm….running and playing". She scoffed and demanded to know his cardio activity to strength training ratio, his brand of power bars and whether he used any Thermojetic, ephedrine-free supplements. After looking around for the crew of "Punk'd", I said that he was a natural athlete requiring only Aquafina in a bowl.
I was taken on a lovely stroll outside to view the off-leash area, hiking trails and man-made pond for swimming. You also had the option of choosing bonus activities such as musical chairs, salsa dancing and Ashtanga yoga. I opted for one hour of unsupervised television a night (I chose "Dogs with Jobs" in the hopes of guilting Newman into something other than "Canines and the Couches They Love") and a Ouji board séance with the Pet Psychic.
Before leaving the Double C, I was introduced to the on-site vet, animal health technician, chiropractor, etiquette advisor, dispute mediator, publicist and personal stylist (for those of you who insist on dressing your dogs a la William Wegman, but have the style sense of Boy George). I was informed of the heated floors in the dog runs, soft white lighting, feng shui placement of the peeing posts and a blessing of the premises by a non-denominational minister. I was asked if Newman would be expecting any guests during his sojourn, such as his astrologist or Deepok Chopra and I quite cheekily replied that they could anticipate his wedding planner because he had recently met a Borzoi and fallen in love. I was told that the grounds of the Double C were breathtaking in the summer and provided a lovely wedding backdrop.
When you pick up your beloved pup after you have returned from your "what happened at Club Med, stays at Club Med" vacation, your dog's personal handler will provide you with a report card that summarizes your dog's stay. Newman received mostly Bs and B+s, but there was a notation that read "Newman is a fine boy, if not somewhat easily distracted. He knows his basic commands, but if he applied himself more to his studies, rather than organizing a posse to invade the cat complex, he could easily be an obedience champion. I noticed that Newman is very food motivated and his preference for smooth peanut butter over crunchie has been duly noted in his file. Newman gets along well with others, specifically the kitchen staff. We tried putting a chef's hat on him, but he immediately balked and buried it under the dwarf lawn ornaments. We look forward to Newman's next visit and recommend that you give us a week's notice so that we may stock up on Jif".
I left the Country Club and Pet Resort completely dazed and questioning my abilities as a dog owner. I couldn't compete with this lavish pampering and sinful over-excess, let alone provide what seemed like essential services. But when I walked into my house after returning from the Taj Mahal of kennels and saw Newman sprawled in front of the fireplace with four feet in the air, drooling on the hardwood and snoring like a Pug, I realized that there was one thing that the Double C was not. Home.
Dee Clair
Calgary, Alberta