I am going to try and get through typing this out for all of you but it's been 2 days now and I haven't been able to yet. Each time I sit to type, my throat closes up, I can't breath and I have the sudden overwhelming urge to throw up because it makes this all the more real to me-it's still a nasty dream at this point that I am trying to wake up from.

Monday early evening I let one of my foster boys out to potty and play. Once he was out, I went directly to fill Angel's water bowl before going out to play fetch. In what was less than 3 minutes max I heard the screeching tires and the scream that will forever haunt me every waking minute of my life. I know they say accidents happen and that no matter what precautions we take, Sh#t will always find us anyways but this was my fault and so preventable. If I had just stuck my head out the door when I let him out to ensure that my gate was latched properly-this would have literally take 1 second to do, but I didn't because I was coming directly out after watering Angel and he would be safe in that time. Or so I thought.

I lecture day in and day out to others about ensuring that gates are properly latched and locked, judging those that have lost a dog in this manner after it escaped from the yard yet I failed in every aspect of that lecture. If I can post this story and save 1 dog out there from this fate at my expense and my shame, it will be well worth not saving face in light of what has happened.

I just had this sick instinct as soon as I heard the screeching tires that I knew what was coming, before his cry. I ran out the door to find Kosmos in the street trying to get up, but unable to fully stand, images as w/ the sound of his cry, that I will not forget. I couldn't carry him because of his size, the man that hit him helped me get him in to my truck (after I screamed at the SOB to help me) with Morgan and we raced to the vet's office. He was such a trooper the whole time even with all the pain he must have been in. X-rays showed his pelvis to be basically shattered and his right leg was the same. My vet thought it unlikely that with the severity of the breaks, that he would ever walk again. WHY didn't I just check the damn gate??? I made the decision to put Kossie down and held him as he crossed over the bridge.

I urge you all to PLEASE, in memory of Kosmos, PLEASE ensure that your yard is secure and take the extra moment to verify that your gate is properly latched. Lord knows that you and your children do not want to learn this lesson the hard way as Morgan and I did on Monday. Another lesson learned the hard way.

A rescue friend of mind told me that God see's every sparrow that falls from the tree, oh how I hope this to be true.

Rest in Peace big boy, I am so sorry to have failed you.

Kosmos

Tammy,
I feel so sorry for you right now. I just keep tearing up thinking about how you must be blaming yourself for what happened.
Let me tell you that I will be securing one of my gates tomorrow. I have always known that if one of the dogs jumped on it a certain way, it would come open. But after reading this, I am going to make sure that never happens.

Hang in there, you are so good with what you do... and accidents do happen.

Oh my God, I am so sorry. You do so much for so many dogs including dogs you never see here on the board. Please forgive yourself. Kosmos is waiting at the Bridge and it is you he will greet one day. :hug:

Oh, Tammy, I'm so very sorry. You poor thing. I know you feel awful, but I know in my heart that he knew you loved him and he'll be waiting for you...

:hug:

I'm so, so sorry...My thoughts and prayers are with you today...and Calvin sends tons of kisses and hugs.

Words can't express how sorry I am.
My dog Sandy I had ( before I got Ashley and Daisy) was also hit by a vehicle and died. I know how you feel. It'll be two years since this happened in November and I still think about it all the time. She was such a great dog and I'll never forget her.

I'm sitting here wanting to cry. I've had several cats run over and killed and it never leaves your mind what you think you should have done or not done. No words can make you feel any differently than you do - just know that Kosmos is waiting for you with his tail wagging. All things happen for a reason and maybe this reason was for you to post this and help save another animal.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Tammy ... what can I say? My heart just aches for you. Don't beat yourself up ... it could happen to any one of us. Think of all the lives you have saved -- you're a wonderful person. (((Hugs))) :hug:

I am so very sorry. I can only imagine the pain and devastation you have to be feeling. It is hard to understand why these things happen or make any kind of sense of it. My first lab was also hit by a car; not long before that, she had started developing some disturbing symptoms; the only way I could make sense of the accident was that maybe she was developing a severe illness & at my age at the time (I was only 12) I would not have been able to help her to the bridge ... so God intervened.

Please try not to be so hard on yourself. You are obviously a loving Mom and Kosmos knows it is not your fault.

Hugs~
Dawn & Sachan

OH Tammy.....I'm SOOOOOOOO sorry...Don't beat yourself up with all the "what if's". I'm sure he forgives you and you should forgive yourself. Barb's right...think of all the lives you've saved. You're a great person...:pat:

For your loss. I saw Kosmos on your rescue website and thought he was really beautiful, and you shouldn't beat yourself up because just by fostering him you did more for him than anyone else had - you tried to find him a home and gave him a happy household to stay in while he was waiting for a permanent one.

The minute I saw "Rest in Peace" my heart sank.

There are no words that will help your loss, I know. To lose someone you love is one thing; to feel that you could have done more is even more heart-wrenching.

But Gunnergirl, you have to forgive yourself. To cling to any guilt over this will just cripple your healing.

Kosmos is already running free again and I know he's forgiven all he suffered in this life.

And just remember what he took with him from his final days on this earth: the companionship of all your babies, the warmth of your home, plenty of food and water, and most important of all was that he had your heart and soul full of love for him. He was loved. What more could he have needed?

And now that he's gone, he leaves a legacy because as you get the word out about what happened and people listen, they will remember Kosmos, as they make sure that they securely lock their gates. I know that I will not forget him.

Please take care.

Gunnergirl,
My heart goes out to you. Kossie loved you and will be with you in your heart always. You loved him and helped him so much. From what I have read you have also helped more dogs by your story and your faithfulness. You have touched many people so don't give up. There are other Kossies out there waiting for you and your love.

I really dont know what to say.. but let me just say again, you are a wonderful person and do MANY wonderful things.. and Kossie will be waiting for you.. :hug:

Tammy,

I read this yesterday and my heart cried out for you. Don't blame yourself. You did everything you could and no one could of done any more than you did!

I wish I could find some words to take the pain away but I know I can't. Just know that you meant the world to him and you still do to all your fosters and I am sure to a lot of us here too.

I told Kris about this last night and I was reduced to tears by the time I was done telling him. Kris immedetly got down and hugged Dexter and me and then went out and checked the gates and we are going to be getting locks for the gates this weekend.

Dexter, Kris and I will keep you in our thoughts and we send our love and hugs to you. :hug:

Thank you everyone for all of your caring and uplifting words. I still can't get the whole scene out of my mind and most likely never will.

Morgan has been carrying his collar around and breaks down occassionally crying over him. She tries to be so tuff like her momma, I don't recall crying in front of her too many times in her life. She was so strong in the vet's office holding on to me while I was totally out of control before actually giving the okay to put him down. As soon as I opened the door to leave, my baby girl lost it...bless her heart. She won't cry in front of anyone else except me.

I feel a tiny bit better as of yesterday afternoon. Kramer, Kosmos' son is going to a wonderful home next week after he is neutered. I owe it to him to place him in a great one, hopefully this will be his forever and ever home where he will be spoiled rotten as a true member of the family.

Although I know it is not truely his fault, I'm trying not to wish bad things on the guy that hit Kosmos. When I got outside, the dude was giving his truck an exam for damage-all the while Kosmos was struggling to get out of the road. He only came to help after I screamed at him to help. Then he'd only help if I got him a towel so he wouldn't get blood on his clothes!! He was speeding, there is no doubt in my mind. How else on a clear day could you not see and stop in time for a dog the size of a minature horse crossing the road??? He mentioned briefly that he was late for work-that closed the deal on him speeding. The limit is 35 but no one drives under 60 in front of my house. Then he came back after 11p.m. to tell me what damage was done to his truck. I'm sure that damage is nothing compared to the pain that Kosmos was in and now the pain that Morgan has had to experience!! I told him I was sorry that it all happened and was ready to send Jax outside to greet him if he didn't leave promptly...weird to show up THAT late!!???

Rest in peace Kosmos and know that Kramer will be well taken care of and loved for the rest of his long life. We'll meet again one day ya bit ga-loot!

Gunner,

I can't imagine the pain you experiencing right now, so I can only wish you the best going forward.

Godspeed...

I am speechless Tammy.

RIP Kosmos :angel:

I am so sorry! I can't imagine going through what you must be going through. We just got a new gate & it hasn't been shutting properly - I am going to go outside right now and tie it shut until we get the latch fixed.

Dear Tammy,

I too am so very very sorry for your loss. Dont blame yourself is what they all say but i know its not easy. Know that Kosmos is running free with a lot of furries including my Bob and Jess, Free from pain and waiting at the bridge to be reunited one day.

GOd bless you and give you strength to get through this
Love
Sue

Oh my Tammy...I really don't know what to say. I know that what ifs can just tear you apart. Just look at all the animals you have saved and held when no one else would.

I am so sorry for your lost....

Serena

Tammy, all I can say is I'm sorry. :hug: :tissue:

We had all 3 dogs escape 2 weeks ago because my son didn't latch the gate the right way. I was sick. Thank God Hunter and Boozer ran to my mom's (through the field out back) and because Brandie didn't know what they were doing, she didn't keep up with them and I caught her when the boys were heading back to my house. We got lucky. From then on, the new rule in my house was: before you open the door all the way, check the gates out back.

Kosmos is helping you spread a good word to everyone - check your gates.

Tammy - I am so sorry to hear about Kosmos. But like everyone else has said - you have done a million wonderful things and have truly been an angel to all of your foster dogs. You gave Kosmos the best before it was his time to go and he will remember your love.

Kosmos is now a fur baby angel and will meet you again one day!!!:angel:

This is one of the reasons I don't visit this area of the Chat Forum!

Tammy, I don't know what to say. I can only wish
that I could sit next to you, with an arm around you and
quietly hold you and comfort you while you grieve.

Let Peace find it's way to your heart,
and Joy and Love in all your remembrances of Kosmos,
your friend!

With love to you,
SMITTY

Originally posted by Gunnergirl
When I got outside, the dude was giving his truck an exam for damage-all the while Kosmos was struggling to get out of the road. He only came to help after I screamed at him to help. Then he'd only help if I got him a towel so he wouldn't get blood on his clothes!

Well there's a humanitarian for ya. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:


:mad: :mad:

Sorry for your loss!

:cry2: Kosmos was a beautiful boy.
Just remember, you'll both see each other again one day!

Tammy,
I just read this post and sit here at my desk with tears in my eyes. I am so sorry for you and Morgan. I really am speechless, but wanted to tell you that we here in my big household send a huge lab hug!

Very sorry for this loss. I am sad for you and that yellow boy you had.

Sounds like the guy that hit him is a real winner...checking his truck and ignoring the dying/struggling animal????
What piece of human crap.

My heartfelt sympathies to you for your loss. I lost a beloved cat in my driveway to a speeder passing a car right in front of my house (a 25 mph road) last year and I know the anguish, the guilt, the fury, and the pain of trying to help a child cope with such an enormous loss.

Because of your post, tomorrow I too will be buying a lock for my gate that my 7 year old son can't reach... for my own peace of mind and to spare him any pain a very simple natural oversight like that could bring.

*hug*

My heart aches for you. I know the amazing fear that comes from looking out the window to check on the dog, only to find the yard empty, and the gate wide open. It could happen to anyone, and it's happened to me 3 times. I'm sure Kosmos is in a good place, and you've done him good by passing on your warning to others.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure many are shedding a few tears for you.

Take care.

He looked like a big sweetie and I'm sure he doesn't hold it against you one bit and I'm sure he was grateful to be in your life, if not for just a brief moment.