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  1. #1
    Senior Dog janedoe's Avatar
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    What do I do or say?

    Franny is coming up on the end of her chemo. Nikki is just starting hers.

    Franny's chemo is notorious for destroying the liver. So far, her supplement regimen has kept her liver values in normal range. Her last chemo was eight days ago but a recheck today showed that she wasn't as well as she was before chemo.

    The day started out great. She and Nikki, 14 1/2 and 13 years old, were playing in the living room this morning like they were three year olds. Both are having mild incontinence issues that could very well be from chemo. Fran just can't seem to make it to the door in time and Nikki can't hold it at night. That's fine. They don't have diarrhea so it's easy enough to maintain.

    I took Fran in for a followup today to get her supplements adjusted. Sure, her liver is having some issues. Frankly I'm surprised that she survived surgery let alone got through seven rounds of chemo with just one to go. Not a big deal. What I needed to know was what we were going to do about it. What I got was a ten minute drama scene with lots of sighing, etc, where the vet was apparently trying to impress upon me that Fran could have liver cancer instead of just experiencing side effects from the chemo. Mind you, she is not the oncologist. She was just supposed to adjust Fran's supplements to help combat the side effects.

    We are doing everything we possibly can to get the dogs through this and give them as best a life as possible if we aren't successful. And enjoy them. Celebrate their lives. There is literally nothing else we can do other than what we are doing now and she is a big part of that program. But it was clear that she was trying to upset me. Instead I started to get testy and made a few comments about how we were doing everything we could. And she just kept going. Finally I said, "I'm not going to fuss about something I can't do anything about." Then she said that at least we were getting another ultrasound at Fran's last chemo in a few weeks. I asked why that mattered and she said, "At least you'll know."

    Why the heck do we want to know? The oncologist hit this with the hardest possible program. There's a low level thing we can do if something crops up after she's done with this program but there are no guarantees. There are no more surgeries. Her last ultrasound was clear and that was just two months ago.

    Then she acted like Fran was poorly trained when, in fact, Fran is deaf. Don't sit behind my deaf dog and tell her to sit repeatedly and expect a response. I know she really cares about my dogs and is upset herself but I left exhausted and I'm a little short on emotional resources right now. I am on a beta blocker and an anti-depressant, both low level but it was getting hard to function. I've known this woman for years. She's having her own problems with her mother who isn't doing well. Why would she make it her mission to upset me? She made a few remarks when we were there last time like she was seeing if I would cry and I almost did then she backed off. What the heck do I do or say to her? We have an appointment for Nikki next week and I need her to adjust the supplement program. Would you say anything more or just hate every minute of being there?

  2. #2
    Senior Dog Shelley's Avatar
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    I would say something.

    Both dogs are on borrowed time, and you have gone above and beyond for them. You should not be upset by the vet, just because she is having her own issues, think of it, if this were your human MD taking care of a family member, they need to maintain some professionalism and decorum when dealing with patients and their families. Tell her that what she is saying is upsetting you, and that you are in a peaceful place with the care and eventual outcome, of the dogs' care, and that they are nearing the end of their lives, and you just want palliative care from her.

    On a personal note, I am so very sorry.

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    Annette47 (06-21-2017), annkie (06-22-2017), janedoe (06-20-2017), POPTOP (06-21-2017), smartrock (06-21-2017), windycanyon (06-22-2017)

  4. #3
    Senior Dog janedoe's Avatar
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    So I'm thinking this.

    I love that you love our dogs and understand that you're upset about the situation. But the fact of the matter is that they have cancer and that may or may not take their lives. My husband and I have accepted that as a fact and can't dwell on it any longer. I'masking you to address the treatment plan as soon as possible when we come in. We want the best for our dogs. I just can't talk about things that we don't have control over anymore. Thank you.

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by janedoe View Post
    So I'm thinking this.

    I love that you love our dogs and understand that you're upset about the situation. But the fact of the matter is that they have cancer and that may or may not take their lives. My husband and I have accepted that as a fact and can't dwell on it any longer. I'masking you to address the treatment plan as soon as possible when we come in. We want the best for our dogs. I just can't talk about things that we don't have control over anymore. Thank you.
    This sounds good to me. If she's upset enough about her own situation, she may be experiencing depression or anxiety and actually be unable to relate things to you in a better manner. (I see this firsthand...be glad you don't have to live with her 24/7.)

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  7. #5
    Senior Dog Tanya's Avatar
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    If she is normally nicer i'd say she was having a really bad day which isn't at all fair to you, that is highly uncalled for. Honestly few people would even have done the chemo on two older pups, you've gone way beyond the average pet owner. and spending money "just so you know" is ridiculous, it helps no one, certainly not the dog.

    Not sure I would personally say anything, I might see how the next visit goes but if she starts with the sighing i'd put an end to it and tell her i'm only interested in this specific thing (helping balance meds)

    Good thoughts for your pups, must be very hard with two seniors

    I personally wouldn't last long with a vet like that. My vet is super super nice and i'm still in tears at half the visits :P Or maybe that's why he's so nice hahahah "oh no i'ts crazy emotional lady"

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  9. #6
    Senior Dog POPTOP's Avatar
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    So sorry you are having to deal with this. Almost sounds like this vet is having trouble dealing with the fact that she cannot save every patient. I've seen some doctors, who treat humans, get that way. In fact, the primary for my late husband who died of cancer did not even show up at the meeting of his physicians concerning implementing DNR orders.

    I admire where you stand. You are doing everything you can to make life for your pups the very best it can possibly be. Dwelling on "ah my poor dog" only robs all of you of the precious time you have together. Stand tall, you are doing the right thing.
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  11. #7
    Senior Dog smartrock's Avatar
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    Maybe she was just trying to suggest that, in her opinion, nothing else will change the outcome and it is time to back off rather than keep changing things. Does she think you have unrealistic expectations for what can be done? It sounds like you and your husband have a realistic view of where your pups' health stands and maybe she doesn't clearly understand your current goals. It sounds like she was not successful at whatever she was trying to communicate. Sorry it was such a stressful visit.

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  13. #8
    Senior Dog Snowshoe's Avatar
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    ARe you on close enough terms to ash how HER mother is doing at the beginning of the appt.? That might remind her you have a long time relationship and that you are aware things might not be going so well in her own life. And the hope is it would remind her how to act with you? Maybe. I'm sorry, two dogs having serious issues right now. I know, for me it was my Mum and Oban at the same time. It's tough. Hang in.
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  15. #9
    Senior Dog janedoe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by smartrock View Post
    Maybe she was just trying to suggest that, in her opinion, nothing else will change the outcome and it is time to back off rather than keep changing things. Does she think you have unrealistic expectations for what can be done? It sounds like you and your husband have a realistic view of where your pups' health stands and maybe she doesn't clearly understand your current goals. It sounds like she was not successful at whatever she was trying to communicate. Sorry it was such a stressful visit.
    I appreciate what you're saying but it's actually the opposite. She won't even say "cancer" so having a conversation with her is so hard and I'm just not a fan of magical thinking. She's clearly conflicted about the fact that she can't solve the problem. She wants us there all of the time and is trying to assign blame, saying that it might have been because of our house. It's exhausting. None of this is productive. And she keeps flying out to the midwest to change her own mother's supplement schedule. It's the classic savior complex without any hope. She's not going to cure cancer and she just can't accept it but I simply don't have the emotional reserves to be her therapist right now.

    My husband reminded me that her two dogs died very close together years ago from liver cancer. I had forgotten that it was liver cancer so that would explain that. She's brilliant at her job but she will fail and she just can't accept that.

  16. #10
    Senior Dog janedoe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SunDance View Post
    This sounds good to me. If she's upset enough about her own situation, she may be experiencing depression or anxiety and actually be unable to relate things to you in a better manner. (I see this firsthand...be glad you don't have to live with her 24/7.)
    I can't imagine being around that all of the time. Honestly, I don't know how her staff functions when she's in this mode.

 



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