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  1. #1
    Senior Dog janedoe's Avatar
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    Is that a normal question?

    When a dog has a serious health issue, is it normal to ask the person if s/he is going to replace the dog? So many people, both non-dog people and, surprisingly, dog people, have asked me this question.

    I find this to be the most callous question anyone has ever asked me. Is this a normal question? How should I respond? So far I've mostly just said, "We haven't thought about it" for the non-dog people. For the dog people though, I find myself just staring. I know I have that pinched expression on my face that my husband says makes people feel stupid but I can't help it. For the life of me, I can't fathom how it is that people think along these lines, especially when they have dogs of their own. I have stopped telling people that Argos passed and that Nikki and Fran have cancer.

    Any thoughts? Is this a normal question?

  2. #2
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    I've never been asked that when the dog in question was still alive, but definitely when one has passed.

    In my case, people know that I'm a dog person and pretty much figure that I'll be getting another one (hopefully not thinking that I want to "replace" the one who died but you know what I mean with regard to that word usage). I don't think anyone is deliberately saying something hurtful. The two I have now are to be our last dogs....I anticipate getting that question a lot...if I outlive them, that is.

    There have been times when I've asked that question myself....in the case of someone who mentions that they just can't get themselves out the door to take walks just for themselves. "Have you thought about maybe getting another walking companion?" That kind of thing. Never really soon after they've lost a dog or if they don't give me a lead for asking the question.

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  4. #3
    Senior Dog Tanya's Avatar
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    it seems odd that you get it so often. especially with dogs still living. the term replace is not one I hear often (at all?) - and if I were getting it often would probably make a comment about how no dog can be REPLACED. "Will you get another dog" is more appropriate. I may have asked that to someone who's now dogless. Or heck something I may have asked a friend with an older dog.


    The term replace might make more sense for a working or competing dog - if your competition/working dog is no longer able to work (at any age) I could see asking if they'd get a replacement working/competition dog.
    Last edited by Tanya; 07-24-2017 at 07:14 AM.

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  6. #4
    Senior Dog Snowshoe's Avatar
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    People are actually using the word "replace?" I've heard "Will you get another one?" Phrased to mean, once, Don't. I've heard people ask if a person will marry again. We all went through a big discussion on this at work one day. No one of us had a sick spouse, I think it was wondering if the good was worth the pain, to possibly experience again and for sure to experience again with a pet. I've even heard it asked, second hand, after the death of a child. Not from strangers, only strangers with the pet question.
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  8. #5
    Senior Dog janedoe's Avatar
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    Four people have actually asked me about replacing them. I'm fighting the feeling that I just found out something about them that is really unpleasant. I need to just stop telling people about it. It throws me for a loop and I can't afford that.

  9. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by janedoe View Post
    Four people have actually asked me about replacing them. I'm fighting the feeling that I just found out something about them that is really unpleasant. I need to just stop telling people about it. It throws me for a loop and I can't afford that.
    Honestly, I agree with the others - to have that many people say something like that is just odd. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten that question, certainly not with that word. At most it’s “do you think you’d eventually get another one?”, and even that is rare, probably because most people assume (correctly) the answer is yes.

    Sorry these ignorant folks are adding to your stress.
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  11. #7
    Senior Dog smartrock's Avatar
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    So far, no one has asked if we're going to replace Chase, nor whether we're considering getting another dog. That just sounds ignorant. Ignorant of the relationship one has with their animals. If a person's human child died, would they ask if the parents were going to replace that child? See what they say. That should shut them up.

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  13. #8
    Senior Dog Meeps83's Avatar
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    Asking about replacing is abnormal. As to whether or not you'll get another one is a personal question. Whenever we were asked that after our dogs passed we always responded with "maybe" "probably" or "eventually".

    In 2014, Nikko was diagnosed with end stage Osteosarcoma. Before he passed, we made the decision to get another dog and were researching breeders and had contacted a few. He passed the end of March and we had a puppy lined up within a month. We received a lot of criticism for the timing, but it was our choice and our business.

    We waited almost a year after Mia passed. Again, our choice and our business.

    I hate pushy, nosy, judgey questions.


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  15. #9
    Best Friend Retriever outrag's Avatar
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    The word "replace" is callous I think. It's also ignorant to ask (in any fashion) while the dogs are living.

    I really don't have a problem though with someone asking me if I will get another dog (after the death of dog). Sometimes they are just trying to have conversation, give support, etc. Also, a lot of folks are unsure if they will get another dog (for a variety of reasons) and it may help to discuss this while going through the grieving process, etc.


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