We made "the" appointment
Our oldest fur kid, Ruby, is due to earn her angel wings on Thursday.
It has been a mixed bag of emotions since we had the discussion Sunday, and called for the appointment on Monday.
This is the first time DH or I have had to make this decision, and go through this process.
I know the saying “A day early vs a day late”, but is there such a thing as too many days early?!
My heart and my soul just don’t want to let her go. Part of me thinks we are greedy, selfish, and have procrastinated long enough. But part of me thinks she still has life. But that life is not what it once was.
She doesn’t complain, and that’s the damn problem with this stoic breed.
On Thursday she will be 15 yrs 2 months and 20 days old. So yes, we have been more than blessed with her time here on earth. Her body is failing, hind end weakness, some dementia, sight issues, fecal incontinence. We deal with it as best we know how, we pick her up when necessary, clean up the messes with no fuss. Most times she gets too tired to walk, lays around most of the time. She only perks up when there is food. I always thought that would be our indicator, when she stopped eating, but that’s not the case.
I just keep reminding myself, Quality of Life. But still my heart hurts.
And please don’t judge on the following.
I think what kills me the most is that this is happening before we leave for our last RV camping vacation of this year. I’m beating myself up over it. The reason we RV camp, is we can take our dogs with us, that’s the only vacationing we do. But on our last trip which was two weeks ago, Ruby just struggled the entire time. And really that’s what precipitated the “discussion” to evaluate her future.
I know I have the option to cancel the appointment. DH doesn’t want it to be a situation where we are carrying her in unconscious, in a worse way, suffering, etc. I don’t disagree, but sometimes that makes my mind rationalize the situation (as an emergency responder).
I just wish someone, something could give me a sign that I’m doing the right thing, and the strength to see it through.