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  1. #11
    House Broken happy_blackbird's Avatar
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    I've come away from this thread feeling like I have failed and wrecked my poor puppy by being an awful dog parent. It's a terrible feeling, especially considering every single day of the last six months has been about making sure her needs are met and finding interesting and challenging ways to stimulate her development while addressing her anxieties.
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  2. #12
    Best Friend Retriever SoapySophie's Avatar
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    It will take time to smooth out - be patient and loving as usual. I'm more shocked that they sent the poor dear home the same day as the spay. That's just wrong, IMHO.
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  3. #13
    Senior Dog beth101509's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy_blackbird View Post
    I've come away from this thread feeling like I have failed and wrecked my poor puppy by being an awful dog parent. It's a terrible feeling, especially considering every single day of the last six months has been about making sure her needs are met and finding interesting and challenging ways to stimulate her development while addressing her anxieties.
    I re-read this thread just to make sure I had it all down before I responded. I don't understand why you feel like an awful dog parent. Your dog sounds like a handful and it must be very hard to deal with that when you aren't sure what to do. A lot of people here think they know the best way to do things and the thing about forums is that you can say whatever you want without consequences because it is all anonymous. The bad thing about that is...these people don't know you or your situation. All they can do is offer their personal advice about what works for them. You need to figure out what works for you. You said what TuMicks said hit home with you. I know most people here don't agree with sending your dog away to get trained but if that is what you need to do, then you need to make that decision for you. You can find a lot of good advice here but it doesn't work for everyone. If you like the behavioralist that came and saw your dog, then stick with them if you think it is helping you and your dog.

    You posted this: "She is a very sweet natured and snuggly dog, but also, at 6, mushy with physical boundaries (she jumped up onto us at the door and while we were the house, put her head in our laps when we sat, stepped on our feet as we walked). Both parents lines are full of hunt and field titles, dad's a family dog now and still hunts (we were told we couldn't meet him the day we picked up Ellie because it was opening duck day). Both parents came out of seemingly well respected midwestern lines. I will be honest, I was so deep in grief over loosing our last lab last summer, that they only thing I focused on was finding breeding lines that were free of cancer."

    My dog does this too. He is very pushy. When my parents came to visit this weekend, Oliver was so pushy with them. Demanding attention and play time. He would not stop! My parents kept saying, "he's ok, he just wants attention" and in my head I was screaming, "I know! That is the problem! He needs to ask for attention nicer!". We are obviously working on this. I had to tell him "no" several times and even gave him a time-out. This works for us. It may not work for everyone. I learn what motivates my dog and I go from there. Oliver hates to be alone so when he gets a little shitty with me, I make him be alone. It only takes one or two times and he whips right into shape.

    When you got your dog, you may have been in mourning and rushed into the decision. Oh well. That is all over now. You are doing the best you can do for the situation you are in. You should never feel like an awful dog parent. Just keep working. Once you put in all the work, you will find it rewarding. I know you will. Keep faith in yourself and your ability to train your dog. Seek help where you need it and embrace ideas that don't just come from forums. Good luck.

    Quote Originally Posted by SoapySophie View Post
    It will take time to smooth out - be patient and loving as usual. I'm more shocked that they sent the poor dear home the same day as the spay. That's just wrong, IMHO.
    All vets in TN let the dog go home day of neutering/spaying.
    “Don't allow your happiness to be interrupted by overly judgmental people. The problem is not you, because even if you do good all the time, they would still find a way to judge you wrongly.”
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  5. #14
    Best Friend Retriever Sue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by happy_blackbird View Post
    I've come away from this thread feeling like I have failed and wrecked my poor puppy by being an awful dog parent. It's a terrible feeling, especially considering every single day of the last six months has been about making sure her needs are met and finding interesting and challenging ways to stimulate her development while addressing her anxieties.
    Well I certainly don't think you've failed. You're not an awful dog parent. In fact, you are going above and beyond to help her. It's not like you dumped her at a shelter because she's difficult. That happens way too often.

    Ellie is a work in progress, it's probably more a matter of realizing her anxieties are fear based, and not obstinate behavior. Sit back, take a deep breath, relax and enjoy her for who she is. List her good points. She's got plenty. Realize there is no perfect dog, but that you are learning as much from her as she is from you.

    Keep the faith, it will improve.
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    “It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.”

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  6. #15
    House Broken AlexS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beth101509 View Post
    A lot of people here think they know the best way to do things and the thing about forums is that you can say whatever you want without consequences because it is all anonymous. The bad thing about that is...these people don't know you or your situation. All they can do is offer their personal advice about what works for them.

    A lot of people on here know who other people are in real life. They are not hiding behind anything. People say what works for them yes, because that is of course what they know that worked for them. If you do not want a variety of different opinions to choose from then you should not post questions to forums and just do your own research as to what you want. That is why it makes no sense for people to get defensive of things. If you do not care what other people are going to say then do not ask a question. People are going to give their opinion otherwise what is the point of a forum lol


    Happy_blackbird I would just relax. You are probably overthinking things with your frustration at this point.

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  8. #16
    Senior Dog WhoopsaDaisy's Avatar
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    Just reading this thread- I apologize for not reading everything thoroughly--- I can relate to having a "softer" dog. She is your general happy, mouth in your lap, no boundaries lab(she is really getting better at not jumping on people!!). However, she went through a fear cycle in about her 15th or 16th month and she was scared to death of the stairwell in my apartment. She would bark and growl at strangers and run away and I had to have that leash wound around my whole body. Nothing I did worked and I had to move! And this girl LOVES people.
    Mine would bark/growl and lunge at bikes and riding lawnmowers. I have worked on that and we now walk by cyclists and she looks at me and gets a treat. One day I hope she doesn't even notice them.
    My mom accidentally hit her with the fridge door ( we think- just heard a bang) and she ran into her crate and wouldn't come out all night. Now anything that opens she is very very careful around...she gives me lots of clearance.
    I can also take out the dremel for her nails and she runs into her crate and won't come out. I've NEVER been able to dremel her nails!
    What I'm saying is-- maybe yours is going through a fear cycle? Maybe yours is just a more fearful or "softer" dog? But socializing her and giving her lots of treats goes a long way. And more positive training.
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  9. #17
    Senior Dog beth101509's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlexS View Post
    A lot of people on here know who other people are in real life. They are not hiding behind anything. People say what works for them yes, because that is of course what they know that worked for them. If you do not want a variety of different opinions to choose from then you should not post questions to forums and just do your own research as to what you want. That is why it makes no sense for people to get defensive of things. If you do not care what other people are going to say then do not ask a question. People are going to give their opinion otherwise what is the point of a forum lol


    Happy_blackbird I would just relax. You are probably overthinking things with your frustration at this point.
    Relax. I was just saying people say what works for them but it may not work for her and not to feel like she is an awful pet parent if it doesn't. Also, people tend to get into fights over stupid stuff because it is anonymous and things come out of context because you can't tell what a person is emphasizing just by reading (you can't hear how a person is saying something). Case and point.
    “Don't allow your happiness to be interrupted by overly judgmental people. The problem is not you, because even if you do good all the time, they would still find a way to judge you wrongly.”
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  10. #18
    House Broken AlexS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beth101509 View Post
    Relax. I was just saying people say what works for them but it may not work for her and not to feel like she is an awful pet parent if it doesn't. Also, people tend to get into fights over stupid stuff because it is anonymous and things come out of context because you can't tell what a person is emphasizing just by reading (you can't hear how a person is saying something). Case and point.
    Case in point exactly you telling me to relax. I am quite relaxed thank you. People arent getting into fights because its anonymous it is because they get pretty passionate about their dogs. Honestly this board is extremely mellow compared to how it used to be. I just do not see asking peoples for advice and then getting defensive about their decision makes any sense. You did not say people say what works best for them. You said "A lot of people here think they know the best way to do things and the thing about forums is that you can say whatever you want without consequences because it is all anonymous. The bad thing about that is...these people don't know you or your situation.

    A lot of people on here know exactly who I am as I am friends with them outside of this forum. Just take advice you like and move on from the rest. Sorry if I seem harsh, but you seem to start discussion and do not like the answers and get very defensive. From you asking people if you think your dog is ready to be uncrated and then telling people they do not know your dog and you do. Well yes, but then why are you asking the question if you know if he is ready or not. Same with prong collar question. People were giving advice on not going straight to a prong collar and you ended with well I already bought it so it doesnt matter now. I mean if you do not want to hear what peoples opinions are just google how to fit a prong collar or go to a store with a trainer and have them show you.



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  12. #19
    House Broken AlexS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SoapySophie View Post
    It will take time to smooth out - be patient and loving as usual. I'm more shocked that they sent the poor dear home the same day as the spay. That's just wrong, IMHO.

    Our girl came home the same day she did just fine. She had her surgery first thing in the morning and they kept her until around 6.

  13. #20
    Senior Dog arentspowell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AlexS View Post
    Our girl came home the same day she did just fine. She had her surgery first thing in the morning and they kept her until around 6.
    Agreed, I actually think its worse for them to stay there overnight. Most vet practices are staffed overnight so the poor dog is just there alone.

 



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