Encountered A Problem; Need Ideas

[POPTOP]

This is not something that most people of younger age like to think about, but it's important.

Death - meaning mine and DH's. We have wills and thought everything was set. We both are going to be cremated. Patch's and Bandit's ashes were to be placed next to DH when he was cremated, thus blended. Potion and Melody's with me. We are to be interned at Arlington in the same niche, all being together.

Here's the problem, Arlington does not allow this. You can't put your pet's ashes in the same niche even if they are included with yours. Funeral directors know this and will not allow what we want. There is a very strict chain of possession for the ashes. DB held our parents ashes until the funeral and it was a ream of paperwork to do that.

Now what do we do? We had all our plans set out in the wills. This is really bothering me. I think we should all be together. We've tried to figure out what to do but have not come up with a solution. Any ideas?

My parents had very detailed wills and even so the process was very complicated and still ongoing.

[Bamps]

The only thing I can think of is to buy a private cemetery plot and be buried there. DW and I are too gonna be cremated. We'll retain ash and have private wishes though.

[SunDance]

We're doing cremation, too, but wish to be scattered. The dogs have been/will be scattered on our property and in our favorite park. Our lawyer knows that we wish to stay in the backyard, too....but if then-current homeowners aren't in agreement (actually, we hope to be the current homeowners but will have to rethink things if that's not going to be the case), we'll go to the park. Or, at least, I will. Don't know what Bob will opt for.

My Mom's ashes were scattered near the Mugo pine that used to be planted in our side yard. It fell over and the area's now planted with shrubs. Mom's in there somewhere.

[Snowshoe]

I recently discovered that someone ( to keep the relationship chain brief) and her Dad took the mother's/wife's ashes to England, snuck into the cemetery with a shovel and buried them in the deceased's parents' plot. An option maybe but I suppose Arlington would be harder to sneak into than a little rural cemetery.

And if you wonder, as I did, why the mother was not to be buried with the father, in Vancouver, no idea.

There are pet cemeteries. Or, could someone scatter the dogs' ashes at your graves? I imagine that would have to be done on the sly too.

[smartrock]

I agree that it's a sad but necessary thing to consider. Since Archie may also be deceased when the time comes, you'd have to think about his ashes, too. I know where my dad's buried, each spot is supposed to only hold 6 sets of remains but I figure we could probably cram more in, and there's no issue with it being a national cemetery. So, what about finding a special place for the dogs' ashes to be scattered or buried, all together? Or perhaps buried in your yard with a lovely tree to mark the spot? It wouldn't have to be done any time soon, of course, but thinking of my own dogs resting in a yard where I'd seen them play, lie out in the sun, and grow old seems like a comforting thought.

Our first 2 dogs were buried in our back yard, in a house we no longer own. We did place an engraved granite marker over the spot. I don't know what the new owners thought when they found that, although it was kind of back in the woods, so I'm hoping Bridget and Brandy rest on, undisturbed. I have Magpie's and Teddy's ashes. I'm thinking our dogs will find their final resting spot somewhere on the Outer Banks. It would be fine with me to join them there.

[Sue-Ram]

This may seem a bit morbid, but if your DD gets your ashes back before they go to Arlington can she not add the dogs ashes to the bag.

[KenZ71]

Sorry Fran, my only suggestions are a) try to bribe, er persuade your local funeral director with baked goods. Or b) find another final resting place that would allow the combination.

I think about this a lot for my dogs. I usually think scattering their ashes in their favorite forest will be best.

My grandmother says she was able to have my grandfather's last dog buried with him. A very nice touch. Those two were inseparable. The dog rode in the front seat, grandmother in the back!

[Jeff]

This may seem a bit morbid, but if your DD gets your ashes back before they go to Arlington can she not add the dogs ashes to the bag.

This was my thoughts too. Either that or ask someone that can do this. I personally have no issues doing something like this. For example my mom wants her ashes scattered in a large river near home town. Which is illegal. No problem, told her I would handle it. Nice drive on a summer night, and taken care of. Doesn't bother me if it fulfills her wishes.

I want the same thing to happen with Hemi and I as you want. I have a nephew that can handle it and will do it. If your DD is entrusted with your ashes well then what gets added to them before they go to cemetery is known only to her and if she can't do it, then to someone you trust. They aren't going to tests the ashes and see if they are all exactly you or not.

[smartrock]

I want the same thing to happen with Hemi and I as you want. I have a nephew that can handle it and will do it. If your DD is entrusted with your ashes well then what gets added to them before they go to cemetery is known only to her and if she can't do it, then to someone you trust. They aren't going to tests the ashes and see if they are all exactly you or not.

When they arrive with a 5 gallon container of ashes, it might tip them off! Sounds like it could work- I don't know how much room the ashes take up in the containers they're placed in. I haven't looked into the containers Magpie and Teddy are in.

[Labradorks]

My grandfather was buried at our VA cemetery in the late 70s in a side-by-side plot (the other side being for my grandmother). They were young (late 40s) and my grandmother remarried. She outlived her second husband, who was cremated. He was not a veteran so most of his ashes were buried in a local cemetery. My grandmother kept some in an urn. She passed not too long after and as she already had a plot in the VA cemetery next to her first husband, that is where she went. She was not cremated. In her coffin, her kids (my mom and her siblings) tucked an envelope of her second husbands ashes inside. It's become a bit of a morbid joke in my family, now that it's been over ten years since her death. It's totally illegal, but most people will do it because really, what is the harm? I would do it.

So, perhaps you could put aside some of your pets' ashes and instruct the executors of your will to sneak them in with you. You probably won't be able to get all of the ashes, because I know large dog produce a lot of ashes, but perhaps while you are alive you could put the rest of the ashes in your pets' special place -- a park that you visit, a favorite hiking spot, the ocean, etc. That way part of them is doing what they love and part of them will still be with you. Or, just have someone pick up your ashes and put the dogs' ashes in with yours, or at least some of them. No one would ever know.