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  1. #1
    Real Retriever Moby and Barley's Mom's Avatar
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    update on the horrible decision - part 3 - Joint Custody??

    Update on the update:

    My soon to be ex-husband - now - rather than driving all over in an RV and trading stocks has abandoned the stock idea and has now been crewing on private boats - with the idea to buy a boat of his own - or - to go to Nicaragua (where we went last year) for 6 months. (The plan seems to change every five minutes.) What he wants to do now about the dogs is "share custody" with me having them the majority of the time. And - although he forced the issue for lawyers - he is now realized the expense of them and wants to take care of this without law fees. (Of course - after I went and got a lawyer. Goodness!) He refused to accept a buy out offer for our house - so now we will have to put the house on the market in February - and I will most likely have to move and buy another house. (He is unable to do so as he is unemployed and counting on the sale of our house and his investment property to fund his adventures.)

    Does anyone have any experience with this sort thing? Dogs are not children obviously - so has anyone ever done anything like this? I don't mind if he takes Barley over to his friend's house with other dogs to tire him out, etc. but what I do not want is for him to "change his mind," at some point when - or if - he ever settles. Obviously the arrangement will have to be in writing - but is this something that needs to be legal? I would prefer no contact with my husband after we are divorced - but if I get to keep the dogs with this arrangement - I will do it.

    Ideas?
    Forever in my heart - Sweet gentle Moby - lover of belly rubs, bacon, and Barbara 9-10-2001 to 11-2-2015

  2. #2
    Senior Dog Bamps's Avatar
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    Divorce is a nasty nasty thing. Thank GOD, my wife and I are still tied strong and never grew apart. My son was not so lucky. We were involved more than we wanted in it and I will tell you this, retain the lawyer and KEEP him/her retained. All and every agreement that is not written is not an agreement and any wriittten agreement take to your lawyer BEFORE you sign. This will get NASTY, and then NASTIER yet. Sorry you have to deal with it.

  3. #3
    Senior Dog
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    I suggest that you retain your lawyer and have everything accounted for legally.....all along, you husband has come across as quite unstable. I wouldn't rely on anything he says moving forward.

    I'm sorry that this has already been such a roller coaster for you.

  4. #4
    Senior Dog CraftHer's Avatar
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    Keep the lawyer! Divorce and separation of property is a legal thing. He sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Make sure it's all legal with the proper paperwork so when he changes his mind again you'll have the documentation on your side, whatever that turns out to be.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like it will get nasty. IMHO, part of what a lawyer's job is to be nasty for you. He/she has no history with your soon to be ex and, since you're paying the bill, the lawyer should be loyal to you.

  5. #5
    Real Retriever 3ChocMom's Avatar
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    I would speak with your lawyer regarding the legality of an arrangement like this, even if you do put it in writing. Dogs are legally property, so I don't know if a written agreement would be legally binding for either of you. However, if it's what you have to agree to in order to keep the dogs, I'd seriously consider it. Your husband sounds like a very selfish person who really has no idea what he wants, so who knows, he may decide after being gone for 6 months that he doesn't care about either of the dogs anymore and never contact you to enforce the visitation. If you were going to do this, you should insist on being the legal owner of the dogs. Have their vet paperwork in your name, any AKC paperwork in your name, etc. Establish your ownership of the dogs and give him visitation rights.

    That said, I know a woman who has this sort of arrangement with her ex. They were never married, but lived together for a long time and got a dog together. When they broke up, he agreed to let her have the dog if he could have the dog every other weekend. She originally did it because she had debt in her name that was her ex's and she was afraid if she didn't agree, he would stop paying off the debt. I am not sure what the status of that debt payoff is now, but they are still doing the visitation now, about 5 years later. He even went out and got another dog, but still insists on having visitation with her dog. However, the dog is hers legally, she pays for everything (food, vet, etc.) and everything is in her name, so if she wanted to pull the plug at any time, she could.

  6. #6
    Senior Dog Scoutpout's Avatar
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    oh gosh, what a mess. echo what the others have said, retain your lawyer, get EVERYTHING in writing, and pay your lawyer to do it up right.
    as far as the house, did you both get an independant appraisal done? think i remember he didn't agree with the valuations? kinda hard to argue with a fair buy-out when he'd therefore get his money now, not eventually when the house sells, can you broach it from that angle?

  7. #7
    Senior Dog Doreen Davis's Avatar
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    Definitely retain an attorney and ensure they have divorce experience and can research precedents re property/dogs.

  8. #8
    Senior Dog POPTOP's Avatar
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    My DD is going through a divorce now. It's a mess. Keep your lawyer and pass everything though him/her. DD's soon-to-be-ex has tried everything under the sun to change things this way and that. With a legal written agreement, he can't. You need to protect yourself and the dogs. You need to protect your investment in the property. He needs to grow up and become a responsible adult.

  9. #9
    Real Retriever Moby and Barley's Mom's Avatar
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    I am beside myself. Really beside myself. Whereas two days ago, the man I married told me the dogs would mainly be with me most of the time, now tonight as he embarks on another sea voyage, he tells me that the dogs would be fine with him in a boat that he may or may not buy because I work and he can be with him all the time and that if he needs dog care, he has arranged for his friend to take them. This is coming from a man who has done no training, has never walked the puppy once, has never cleaned up the dog poop, sends the puppy up to sleep with me because he keeps him awake and because the dogs are both used to being with me, only feeds them when i am gone and he happens to be home and I have specifically asked him to, and has taken them to the vet only when I could not. (Once). When I said this to him, he said "why should I do it since you do it? I am capable of feeding them. You do it, so why should I? They don,'t need to be watched every day. You are too protective. (Moby, the older dog, are lots of socks and underwear and he passed them. Barley would, too." What do I do with this? I don't trust the puppy in his care at all and he tells me something new every day. I will contact my lawyer tomorrow but I feel as though he is just out to get me with the dogs as collateral damage. I can barely write this. I am so distraught.
    Forever in my heart - Sweet gentle Moby - lover of belly rubs, bacon, and Barbara 9-10-2001 to 11-2-2015

  10. #10
    Senior Dog Charlotte K.'s Avatar
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    I am sorry that you are going through this. You have had some advice concerning lawyers. Please get other, emotional support so that he does not win this psych battle. You are the victim of thoughtless, immature actions. Hang in there.

 



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