At my wits end

[Moby and Barley's Mom]

Barley is now 8 months and was nuetered a few weeks ago. I know this is supposed to be a difficult stage but I am not sure I can survive it. I was in tears in the car home from visiting my parents tonight because he was just awful. He was extremely excited to be in someone else's home and scattered peed three times in the kitchen. He eviserated my parent's 1 year old lab's toys and jumped on their outside door to get in. He would not calm down. He is a nightmare to walk and I have him on a gentle lead. He hates it, runs from it and then tries to scrape it off while we are walking. Yes, I have tried acclimating him to it. We got home after an hour and 1/2 drive and he peed in the kitchen because I could not get the outside door open quickly enough. Is this lack of bladder control normal?

I am going through a divorce and I know my patience level is low and I have some very difficult days. Regardless of what is going on in my personal life, the dogs get daily exercise, I cook for the older one, work full time and am involved in a large community event.

And I am going to do all I can to try to keep them as sole care of both dogs has always been left to me(my husband tells me he is has ownership of the older dog and 1/2 ownership of the puppy and the courts do not care that he has never cared for them). But tonight I seriously wondered if I was up to the challenge. I am sure I am doing a terrible job training him. I was cleaning up a portion of the yard today, told Barley to stay while I opened the outside gate and off he went running through the outer part of the yard which is not entirely fenced. (I am on 2 acres) I was terrified and furious with him.

I am under a great deal of stress and pressure and if I cannot feel that he can behave in someone's else house or even mine for that matter then I have totally failed and am at a loss. I love this dog but there are times when it is too much and I feel that I don't even like him.

Any suggestions?

[Berna]

Sounds like a high-energy dog. Plus he is a puppy and practically a "teenager". Sounds like he lacks in training too...

I know you are going through a difficult time, but is there a way you can increase his exercise? Give him room to run, not just walk on-leash? Hire a trainer, a dog walker?

[Halcyon]

Take a deep breath. Calm down.

You have not failed this dog.

As Berna stated above, Barley is a "teenager" and by the sounds of it, high energy. As you've probably gathered from the board, the adolescence stage is tough. They realise that there is a world outside of you and learn that they don't always have to listen to you. They test their boundaries and push their limits. Give them an inch and they'll take a mile. At that age, Bobby blew off recalls and had selective hearing. He conveniently forgot how to walk on a loose leash. He pulled and yanked me everywhere and when I tried to turn around, he would lie down and refuse to move! His "leave it" became "get it as fast as possible" and his "drop" became "chew faster and swallow." His energy levels skyrocketed. He was distracted by everything. He started counter-surfing. Welcome back, humping, jumping and biting. He was renamed "Sir Butthead of Bumville" and his theme song was Troublemaker by Olly Murs, particularly the chorus:

Trouble troublemaker, yeah
That's your middle name, oh oh oh...
I know you're no good but you're stuck in my brain
And I wanna know...

Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad, oh oh oh?
My mind keeps saying,
"Run as fast as you can."
I say, "I'm done," but then you pull me back, oh oh oh...
I swear you're giving me a heart attack
Troublemaker!

You're in a tough situation. Sit down after you've cooled down and think it through carefully. This is something only you can decide on. Are you willing to dedicate hours upon hours of your time on training, exercising and managing both Moby and Barley whilst undergoing a divorce, custody battle, working and other commitments? Will you sink or will you swim?

My first suggestion would be to increase his exercise. Build him a flirt pole and tire him out. Fetch, nosework and swimming are all great ways to release his energy. Can you organise playdates with other similar sized, similar energy-level dogs? What is your exercise schedule with him like?

After you've got exercise sorted, it's time to work on training. I went back to basics with NILIF. I then worked on focus training in different locations (backyard, inside the house, in front of the house, etc) and with different distractions. I had problems with loose leash walking too. Prongs aren't an option for us (banned here). We didn't use harnesses (body or head). We used a basic flat buckle collar and a standard leash. We spent days just walking up and down the street in front of our house! You get to know your neighbours well!

However, what worked for me mostly was deciding what my expectations were for loose leash walking before our training session. In our case, Bobby was allowed to walk in front of, by my side or behind as long as he wasn't pulling or dragging. He was allowed to sniff as long as he wasn't yanking me and we moved on when I said, "Enough." If there was tension on the leash and he was pulling, I would refuse to let him go where he wanted to by turning around. It was hard at first because Bobby would adamantly sit down or lie down, forcing us to drag him. I was confident that this technique was not going to work. With enough repetition, refusing to give in and an upbeat, "C'mon, let's go," he complied and I would let him investigate as long as he behaved.

I am not joking when I say that Bobby was a nutcase. He was interested in everything! Cars, trees, grass, leaves, fences, dirt, rocks, letterboxes, rubbish bins, etc. He could have pulled my arm out of my socket. He lunged. He yanked. It was like Marley and Me. I was so frustrated and annoyed that he wouldn't behave. Treats didn't work for us as they weren't as interesting. I was at a loss until I changed my mindset and adapted his training. I split the criteria into finer and finer expectations. I harnessed his craziness and used his distraction as his reward. "You want to sniff and mark that tree? OK, walk loosely for ten steps. Good boy! Go sniff!"

Keep your sessions short! Figure out how long you are willing to deal with his obnoxious pulling and decide on a time limit below it. That way, you can set both of you up for success and there is a greater chance that the session will end on a good note. I kept my sessions short but frequent, starting with ten minutes and building into long walks (around 40-50 minutes). Admittedly, my method took a long time. A prong or similar device used appropriately would probably get it done faster. It just depends on what you are comfortable with and what is available for you. If you don't want to battle him with the Gentle Leader, try something else.

In regards to him eliminating indoors, this is probably excitement peeing. He's just so happy. It's a new environment, new people, new playmates. Instead of rushing him to the backyard, I would have taken him for a short walk up and down the street before entering. This gives him a chance to empty his bladder. If you're afraid of him running off whilst you clean the yard, put him on a long leash. That way, if he ignores recall, you can reel him in and rest assured that he is not completely free.

When you feel frustrated, take a break and put him in his crate (if you use one) or in a safe, secure place where he can't get up to no good. Prepare a few frozen Kongs and give one to him. A large marrow bone is good too. I like to give him ones big enough to last around an hour. That way, I can get chores and homework done and relax a bit. Make him work for his meals. Put his kibble in a Wobbler, a Tug-a-Jug, Kong Genius or a similar food dispenser. This adds to his mental stimulation.

Adolescence is hard. Bobby is now 17 months and he is so much better! He walks relatively nicely on a loose leash, he listens and obeys most of the time (all bets are off at the vet's) and can settle down in the house. He willingly takes naps and doesn't need as much exercise as he did then. I remember Sue said sometime somewhere on the board along the lines of, "The dogs with the most mischief in their eyes become the best dogs." When times are tough, I remember Barry's quote: "Raising a Lab is a journey, not a destination." It's tough, hard and frustrating now but adapt your training, change your mindset and enjoy these moments with Barley. The pride and joy you feel when you see and experience his growth will be amazing, breathtaking and incredible!

Most Labs are horrible puppies who with love, time and patience, grow into amazing dogs! Just remember, you reap what you sow; the more effort you put in, the more you will be rewarded. When you see an off-leash dog return with a simple command or a dog that walks perfectly on a loose leash beside an owner in thongs/flip-flops, just remember that hours and hours and hours of training, effort and dedication have gone into training this behaviour.

I hope you stick it out and choose to swim. We'll be here for you if you need us. Good luck!

[Snowshoe]

LOL, it's like you tried to write an article demonstrating that neutering does not calm down every dog. I know you didn't expect it to and I'm not laughing at you. But he does sound pretty normal, it can be a really rough time. At that age I ramped up the training classes and still made sure we got lots of off leash running. Off leash for at least the 5 minutes per month of age rule twice a day plus classes.

It was probably excitement pee. It might continue for some time yet. Males can, not as often as females, experience some loss of control due to neuter and need hormone supplements. I doubt you will see that happening a mere two weeks after the neuter. A Vet check, more $, might reassure you though.

Hah, at 8 months we were training for CGN testing and I never would have trusted Oban to sit while I left him near an open gate in our yard. I think you just expected too much too soon in that instance.

Keep at it, try, busy as you are. This is probably the hardest he'll ever be to deal with and it will get better. Go to classes, the other people there will likely be in the same boat as you, it's good for both of you.

[smartrock]

I don't have an answer to the issues and I doubt I could do better than what anyone else has posted. I just want to send you a hug of support.

You're going through a very stressful time and I'm sure everything that seems "bad" is magnified through the lens of everything else that's causing you stress. If all else was going well, this would be a challenge, but not one that seemed insurmountable. You might even be able to laugh at some of his happy naughtiness, (which probably reinforces it anyway, so maybe laughing isn't the best approach!) Don't be too hard on yourself if things aren't going "perfectly" much less if things seem like a disaster sometimes, there's so much other stuff going on that it just makes this seem worse. I hope things even out for you soon.

[kimbersmom]

Halcyon's post should be a sticky. It sums up Labby adolescence so well.

all I can add is to be kind to yourself. You are going through *so* much right now, it is understandable that you don't have the emotional reserves you might have had in the past. You can totally do this; maybe you should think about your frustration more clinically. It will wax and wane, and when you hit the crying point, go hug your dogs until you feel better. Then you get back up and try again.

[Labradorks]

It sounds fairly normal, I'm afraid. Eight months is a sucky age!

If you can get him exercise, like RUNNING off leash, HARD, that will help.

Training will be a huge help. Let him put his energy elsewhere. They do need mental stimulation. This pup would probably be a good candidate for clicker training work. I know that going through a divorce and getting settled can be costly, but there are lots of articles and YouTube videos online that may be helpful.

And, finally, you gotta set him up for success and only give him what he can handle. I get that you were mad that he didn't stay when you opened the gate, but he is clearly not ready for that type of "responsibility" yet. Someday, just not today.

[voodoo]

I use a shock/ecollar for training in the house and taking to new places. it just collects dust now, but during the puppy training it was the only thing that worked for me. I now only use the collar for recalls off leash on walks/parks. its a great tool for me. sidenote; the stim level is set so chili has never barked/cryed but that it gains his attention and automatically stops behavior to where he looks at me.

[Charlotte K.]

I find that as teething ends and the "plumbing" matures, neutered or not, male or female, somewhere between 7 months and a year, housetraining backslides and excitement peeing may increase. I consider it a normal phase. As hard as it is,on days where you will expect more you must give more training and exercise before visits. Also, as the big back molars seat, there is an increase in power gnawing. The chewies really help.

It is a stage. With exercise and training, this too will pass.

[voodoo]

from a peeing aspect, chili had never pee'd in his crate and only twice in the home at less than 10 weeks. since 10 weeks I have never ever seen chili pee in a home/any home. so with me being a 1st time pet owner, I dont see how peeing in a home isnt either genetic or home owner fault