Why do I let these things drive me nuts

[sheltieluver]

So as many as you know my friends husband bought her a lab puppy. She wasn't ready for another dog and basically her husband said surprise here is a puppy but I'm not helping with it, shes yours. I told her that she just needed to step up for this dog because my husband basically did the same thing with Gauge but its not the dogs fault. I told her I would help her with training and what to do. Prob is shes never home and the whole family just lets this puppy do whatever she wants. Her son 14 rough houses with her so shes totally crazy landsharky jumps on everyone. She used to be able to be able to be in reception but now she can't because she launches herself on the desk bites the receptionist for attention, barks and crys. I try to give advice they don't take it. Shes great for me she doesn't jump on me or bite me. Shes 14 weeks old I tought her sit,down, touch, she knows weaving between my legs, she knows wait, we are working on stay, she comes when called, and she knows back it up. I taught her all this and I showed my friend what to do. I think she expects that once I teach her she will know it and she won't have to do anything. I told her that wasn't the case.


I showed her how to start teaching her how to walk on a leash she just lets her pull and I said when she gets to be 70 lbs and is doing that you will wish you taught her to walk on a leash. She has no yard and I told her that she will need off leash run time as she gets older. Her other lab couldn't be exercised bc of her heart condition so I don't think she knows what she is in for. She works 6 sometimes 7 days a week. I just feel bad for this puppy. She really is a sweet dog. I just let these things upset me. Any advice how to deal with this situation?

[xracer4844]

Unfortunately no. You can't teach the unwilling. As hard as that is - unfortunately that is the truth. I can teach a class for hours and hours and hours - if someone is unwilling - there will never be any change. It's these people that end up with a dog that they don't know how to control. Don't know how to train. Wonder why their dog is so bad, tell everyone that their dog can't be trained, and that no trainer will be able to work with their dog.

The fact that you can spend a bit of time with their pup and train it some simple commands should be enough proof for them that it's possible if they put a bit of time in, they can have a great dog. But they have to be willing...bottom line. A lot of people aren't willing. They don't make the same commitment that most of the people on this board make. A lifetime of love, care, affection, training, lessons, learning etc. etc. etc. A lot of people assume that a dog is just supposed to get better as they grow up. A lot of people think it's normal for a dog to be destructive. A lot of people think it's normal for a dog to have no manners. Honestly I could go on and on and on.

BOTTOM LINE - it's not your fault and you can't beat yourself up about it. I know that ultimately the dog will suffer. It's these kind of people that end up with a crazy dog and then months, sometimes years later decide to get rid of the dog. It is a huge problem that unfortunately we can't do much about.

[Labradorks]

I'm the first person many of my (relatively inexperienced) friends and family call about dog behavior and health stuff. 99% of the time, they don't take the advice that they have asked for. I used to put a lot of effort and time into my responses, but now I give a general response. If they argue with me, I just say, well that is my advice so I don't know what else to tell you -- call your vet or call a trainer. Then I let it go. Its taken years of practice.

My last trainer held mostly pet dog classes and I don't know how she did it! Every day she tells people how to do stuff and they don't do it, they argue, or they are clueless about the most simple things (though the latter I guess you can't get too frustrated with if they are trying, but not getting it). I would tear my hair out!

I have learned to avoid talking about my dogs too much with new people in my life (especially at work) because I don't want to be the person people come to for advice when they get a back-yard-bred "Lab" puppy out of the newspaper two days before Christmas for their toddlers and are having a hard time because the puppy barks all day while being locked in the backyard but they can't bring it in the house because it eats socks and the kids hate it and it pees on the floor.

Ugh...

[Moby and Barley's Mom]

Of course it drives you crazy. This puppy needs direction - and needs someone to be around for her. Even though I took my 8 month old to puppy classes - I just hired a trainer this Sunday to teach me how to walk him (he is my first puppy and I really don't know what I am doing) but - oh my goodness - what an amazing difference. Now - the trainer trained me and it is my job to reinforce the behavior over and over. Most importantly, what I realized is that Barley REALLY needed the direction and was stressed without it. Now that he knows I am in charge (instead of him) he seems to be much happier and calmer on his walk. And hence - less stressful for me as well. I feel badly for your friend because she did not want this dog - so is less inclined to want to work with her. Why her husband just handed her over like that makes no sense. But - you are perfectly justified in your feelings!

[sheltieluver]

I wanted to get into dog behavior so I sat in a few one on one behavioral classes with my trainer to observe. Omg after a few classes I'm like I can't do this she was so calm but everything she told the owners to do it was like oh I can't do that or my dog won't do that. Drove me crazy. I did learn a lot tho from her.

[WhoopsaDaisy]

So as many as you know my friends husband bought her a lab puppy. She wasn't ready for another dog and basically her husband said surprise here is a puppy but I'm not helping with it, shes yours. I told her that she just needed to step up for this dog because my husband basically did the same thing with Gauge but its not the dogs fault. I told her I would help her with training and what to do. Prob is shes never home and the whole family just lets this puppy do whatever she wants. Her son 14 rough houses with her so shes totally crazy landsharky jumps on everyone. She used to be able to be able to be in reception but now she can't because she launches herself on the desk bites the receptionist for attention, barks and crys. I try to give advice they don't take it. Shes great for me she doesn't jump on me or bite me. Shes 14 weeks old I tought her sit,down, touch, she knows weaving between my legs, she knows wait, we are working on stay, she comes when called, and she knows back it up. I taught her all this and I showed my friend what to do. I think she expects that once I teach her she will know it and she won't have to do anything. I told her that wasn't the case. I showed her how to start teaching her how to walk on a leash she just lets her pull and I said when she gets to be 70 lbs and is doing that you will wish you taught her to walk on a leash. She has no yard and I told her that she will need off leash run time as she gets older. Her other lab couldn't be exercised bc of her heart condition so I don't think she knows what she is in for. She works 6 sometimes 7 days a week. I just feel bad for this puppy. She really is a sweet dog. I just let these things upset me. Any advice how to deal with this situation?

In my opinion, she's depending on you too much. Tell her to go to a puppy class and get help from a trainer. You have your own dogs Tell her you'd love to have puppy play dates with her but if she doesn't do a training class herself she's never going to take responsibility for the dog and she may go ahead and start looking into rescues.
Plenty of people who work a lot and have no yard find time to work with their puppy and give it exercise. She either needs to find the time or give it to someone who will.

[shellbell]

I'm the first person many of my (relatively inexperienced) friends and family call about dog behavior and health stuff. 99% of the time, they don't take the advice that they have asked for. I used to put a lot of effort and time into my responses, but now I give a general response. If they argue with me, I just say, well that is my advice so I don't know what else to tell you -- call your vet or call a trainer. Then I let it go. Its taken years of practice.

Yeah, I've started being more generalized in my responses too, if I know it is someone who is not going to put the effort into it (usually family). Now if someone comes to me who genuinely wants help and I think they will be willing to put some effort into it, I'm more than happy to share what I know and do what I can.

[JenC]

It's a shame the husband was sold the dog to begin with. As a breeder, I would never sell a puppy to a family if the ENTIRE family didn't show up for visits and pick up. There should never be a "surprise, here's a puppy" especially with family members that don't want to join in the raising. Pups will pick up bad habits easier than good habits.

If it were me, I would start going to puppy classes at dinner time and dear, thoughtful husband could cook for himself. He did give that great puppy, so I better start raising it right. Hubby can fend for himself.

[sheltieluver]

Jen that's the difference between a good breeder and a not good breeder. He got him from a puppy mill in Lancaster. I told her that she needed puppy classes and she's like I work all the time you take her. I told her I would go with her but she needs to learn BC I'm not with the puppy all the time. Its excuse after excuse no money, no time. I know what's going to end up happening when the dog is out of control she will ask me if I want the dog. I need to stop worrying or all drive myself crazy. Its the puppy I feel bad for.

[Woodrow_Woodchuck]

It sounds like you are good friends with this person. I would sit down over a mug of tea or whatever and have a heart to heart with her. Ask her what she expects her new puppy to be when it is two, three, five years old. If she recently lost a devoted companion, lab or otherwise, ask her what it took to get a puppy to that point. It took time and dedication. Not just by her, but everyone had to be on the same page as far as training.

Maybe it wasn't the right time to get a puppy? If she is working 6 or 7 days a week and comes home to take care of a family, there really is no time for a puppy without a LOT of help. That little girl is only 14 weeks old and.... might easily find a home with the time to raise a puppy.

One last note. Hubby sounds kind of like a dick, by your description. Bringing an unannounced and unplanned puppy home then dumping it on her, washing his hands of anything to do with it. I've never been married but it seems to me that would be a decision worthy of a discussion.

Folks mentioned offering advice to others asking about training. I got a lot of that at the puppy park when Sunshine was a little, overly energetic monster. The regulars saw her progress from an out of control, run into anything, demented puppy, into an out of control, run into anything, demented puppy that would come when I called her! She would come running then stand there l@@king at me.. "WHAT WHAT WHAT????" I could send her to find a blue frizbee, yellow frizbee, ball, stick whatever and she would RUN off, following directions (left, right, keep going...) until she found it and brought it back. 'What is your trick to training????' Folks are never happy with the simple answer, "Time." It wasn't 10 minutes a day of 'come, sit, stay' that got her to where she is. It was ALL my time devoted to her.

And it wasn't 100% formal training, it was actually very little formal training. Throw an item, she brings it back, I require a 'sit'. Show her how to sit, Good Girl, throw the item. Bring it back, 'Sit', throw the item. Add a 'down' after the sit, then throw the item.... I add more 'commands' as we play. She has no idea she is being trained!! All she knows is that if she does the command I ask, more fun happens!!!