Ladies, Does This Bother You?

[POPTOP]

After DD's Dad passed, I had to work hard to get my own credit line and establish myself with financial institutions. Years living just DD and myself, I became pretty independent.

Now that I am remarried, there is a trend that bugs me. Sometimes when mail comes which concerns something DH and I have joint ownership, it is addressed to him only. Case in point, our car. The city sticker renewal came in the mail addressed to DH and no where in the paperwork is my name mentioned.

Same with our house. When we moved up here, I bought this house. DH was OK with just renting but I wanted our own house in DD's school district. Long before we got married, wanted to refinance for a better rate and had the house put in both our names. Now everything comes in his name only.

OK, does it make a difference in our relationship. never. It just ticks me off knowing how hard I worked to get where I am and being financially secure when I was on my own.

OK, I did not sleep well last night and am grumpy. Just venting.

[beth101509]

My husband makes more than me and always has so his name is always first on our home loan and car loans but my names are on them. Both our names are on the mortgage bill and insurance bills, his is just first. Doesn't bother me. I know I am the co-signer for everything. You did sign the papers for your house and car, right? You should be listed on anything that is mailed to you since you are married and you did sign the paperwork.

[janedoe]

I hear you and yes, it bothers me, especially when I call and discover that I'm not allowed to talk to them because I don't have any authority. It usually takes just a call from both of us at the same time though to clear that up.

I have to be very specific with companies and I have found that many are happy with knowing that there are two creditors on any account. I am confused as to how the refinance comes in your husband's name only unless the mortgage is only in his name. In this day and age, I do find that when a change shows up on our accounts, it reflects the name or names of whoever signed for it and when we put the deed in both our names after my mother in law passed and her life estate came off, the town was quick to pick up on that and put all of the communications with us in both our names.

Edited to say: Come to think of it, my name is the only one on some of the utility bills and all of the contracting work because I handle the communications.

[lovemylabby]

I would call to discuss with your financial institution. My husband and I bought our house together...and the mortgage is in both our names.

When the mortgage statement comes, it has both our names on it. Same is true with bank accounts, checking accounts, etc.

I don't know much about cars...because we each have our own..and registered solely.

This would also bother me...but I would definitely look into it.

[doubledip1]

I would look into it. That sounds unusual. Our mortgage is under both of our names but the deed is only me for long and convoluted reasons. All of our sewer/utility etc. bills are under both names. Our cars are registered independently. Car insurance is under my name but DH is listed with his car and as a driver on my car.

I would be super peeved and call to find out why they don't have both of you.

[Snowshoe]

That would tick me off mightily. I am a financial advisor and I have to spend a lot of extra postage money to mail things out to each owner of a jointly held investment. It seems very old school for the companies you are dealing with not to put both your names on mailings. In my case I think having to send separate mailings is going too far and your companies are not going far enough. I too think you should contact those companies and ask for proof you are listed as an owner and demand they amend their mailings.

[POPTOP]

You're all right - both our names are on the mortgage payment notices, the same with the car. It's the extra stuff, like the city sticker that comes in just his name. Have had some communications on the house or car which are only addressed to DH.

[CraftHer]

We're not consistent about which name is on what so I'm not sure if his name only is listed on accounts that are joint. This thread make me think I need to be sure we are both on all our accounts. When my parents bought a house, the attorney thought it was odd that my stepmom signed all the papers first. It was just the way everyone was sitting around the table. But she said he mentioned it several time.

[black_paws]

Does this bother me, Yes & No.
I really try and consider the source. NYS Dept of Motor Vehicle is as screwed up as the rest of any gov't office.
Me & DH have a sled trailer and an RV trailer. Both are titled to both of us, but the registration only has his name since he was listed first. GRRR!
So yes, its annoying, but if push comes to shove I pull the original title if needed and prove its OURS and not his/hers.
We are secure enough in our relationship that if I see mail that might concern me, I'll open it. But I'm also the organizer, facilitator, manager of our bills.

We'll be celebrating our 10 yr wedding anniv (been together 15) this year. Some of our "stuff" is joint, some of it's individual. It works for us.
We have def learned from other's mistakes (i.e. - divorce, death, etc) and have tried to mitigate foreseeable issues.

[Woody]

All of our mortgage, line of credit statements and tax bills come in both of our names. A few things were showing up in one name or the other but it just took a simple phone call to fix things up. No big deal.