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  1. #1
    Real Retriever Moby and Barley's Mom's Avatar
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    I guess I just need a pep talk

    I have been on this forum for 9 months now - and gotten so much valuable advice - because really - I don;t know what I am doing with this puppy for sure. I am sort of at my wit's end today - and I have heard it all from everyone. My dog needs more exercise is usually the general consensus. If you have read any of my posts - you will know that I have been going through what seems like a NEVER ENDING divorce - and while I am grateful that my one-day-to-be-ex husband decided after taking the dogs in his precious RV for 4 nights that he did not want the responsibility of the dogs - some days I find it to be too much for me. I was supposed to be divorced today - but yet - I am still embroiled in a mean spirited legal battle - which after working a full day - preparing to move after being forced to sell my house - and dealing with other issues - leaves me unable - at times to fully devote myself to training Barley.

    I walk Barley at least once a day for an hour - and sometimes twice. I play ball with him out in the yard in the morning and in the evening. Once a week I take him to doggy day care so he can go nuts with other dogs.

    My dear friend - who owns two tiny white lap dogs - tells me that his dogs are just content to be with him - and informed me this evening that he saw a lab adoption this past weekend - with sweet, calm, well-mannered dogs. Obviously, Barley does not fall into this category. I have taken him to classes, I had a personal trainer over to help me with the pulling. I bought a gentle lead (he dragged his snout on the ground for over a month until it would bleed) and I have now put him on a star mark training collar. This helps for sure - but he will still pull at times - but it is much improved. My friend tells me I am a pushover - that I am not the "alpha," - and Barley knows this - hence the behavior.

    Here are the behaviors:

    He pulls on lead. Training collar helps - as does stopping every time he does it. But it is not a panacea.
    He loves to play "keep-away." He will grab something he is not supposed to have and run away with it - as play. I will ignore him - or entice him with another toy or treat to get it away from him - but he still does it not matter how much energy I give it.
    Needs to chew - he has not chewed any shoes - but has eaten many of my plants - and part of a wooden bench outside
    Does not always come when called - so I cannot really trust him despite training.
    Jumps on people


    The positives:

    He will not eat until I release him.
    He will sit, stay and go down - and usually not move until he is released
    Walking is somewhat improved with the training collar
    He will most times come when called (totally not 100%)
    He now sleeps all night in his crates and will be in his crate during the day for about an hour or more. (My husband had refused to get on board with regard to crate training.)

    So -this is my pep talk plea. Is Barley on track for 11 months old or am I completely remiss in all of my training due to my circumstances? I am sometimes vastly impatient and angry with him - and just ready to give up because he requires so much energy that - although - I am usually someone with tremendous energy - I sometimes do not have it now. Am I clearly not alpha? Do I need to do some "domination" activities with him?

    Thank you for listening. One of these days - perhaps I can be one of the wise folks on the forum who has it together and knows what they are doing with their dogs!-photo-2-jpg
    Forever in my heart - Sweet gentle Moby - lover of belly rubs, bacon, and Barbara 9-10-2001 to 11-2-2015

  2. #2
    Senior Dog Maxx&Emma's Avatar
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    Please don't be so hard on yourself! I really think Barley is in that dreadful "teenage" phase and they can really be butt heads during this tine. It does sound like he could use some more off-leash free play time to get rid of some of his energy. Do you have an area to do this in? Some play dates may also help and the weekly doggy day care is great. I definitely do not think you need to worry about dominating him, that is just nonsense. Continue working on the loose leash walking, it often just takes time and lots of patience. How much time are you spending on mentally working him? Hide and seek, puzzle toys, etc? Working a dog mentally helps tire them as much as physical exercise. I know sometimes "puppyhood" of a Lab can seem to last forever but eventually they do slow down. Hang in there, you really have a lot on your plate and once things get settled for you I really think you will find it much easier to manage your sweet boy.
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  4. #3
    Senior Dog Labradorks's Avatar
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    I think your expectations of Barley are too high. You want 100% on the recall at 11 months of age? You want him not to chew stuff outside when you leave him out there alone? He is a puppy, a busy, male, field Lab puppy. It is what it is, you are not gong to change him. You can work with him, and he'll mature, but there are no miracles or shortcuts. It takes time, plus patience, plus consistency.

    Not to say that you're not going through a really difficult time, and I do emphasize (been there myself), but life is really just a series of challenges and we never know what's next. I'm sure everyone on this board is going through something right now or has gone through something recently. Just know that it will be over, you will move on, and then the next big thing -- not necessarily bad, but change is always stressful -- will land on your lap. Meanwhile, we have dogs, kids, jobs, homes, and everything else we've got to deal with. It's a lot, but it's life. It sure does teach us to appreciate the lulls though, doesn't it? Have you tried yoga, meditation, counseling, or other things to deal with the stress you're going through right now?

    It is hard for me to decipher what you want out of your dog. You say the pulling is getting better, yet you list is as a behavior issue. Things take time and if you're seeing improvement, I'd call that a success. The chewing is normal, and you are the one leaving a Lab puppy outside alone, so that is really on you, not the puppy. I seem to remember that you sort-of encouraged the keep-away game with a kitchen towel? No? The things we teach our dog, especially fun and entertaining stuff (which, by the way, should tell you that training him by using games is really successful!), is really difficult to un-train. Just keep doing what you're doing -- it takes time. Jumping on people is fairly normal at his age. Just keep working on it.

    The dominance theory is bunk. Not to mention, nothing here shows "dominance" anyway. I don't even see where he is doing anything where he is "taking you for a ride" really. He is being a normal Lab. A busy, male, field Lab puppy. Could he use more structure and consistency? Probably. Could he use more training? Well, all dogs can use as much training as their owners are willing to give. One class, a couple private lessons, do not make an obedient dog. Could he use better leadership? Sure, why not. More exercise? OK.

    Are you thinking of giving the dog up? Or are you venting? Whether you are at wit's end or feel shackled by a puppy, you seem to not be that enthralled with Barley much of the time. If that is the case, I know for a fact there are great rescues in your area. One of the kindest things that we can do for our dogs is to know when we cannot meet their needs and have a big enough heart to find someone who can. One thing I will say, is that if you keep thinking he's bad and you're bad, things will not get much better. Look at the positives, recognize how far he's come, and enjoy the process. He is 11 months, you still have a long way to go!

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  6. #4
    Real Retriever Laura's Avatar
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    I'm not great at pep talks, but your posts always leave me thankful that I am not going through what you are right now. The divorce, and the moving is such a big deal. Theo does some of the same stuff that Barley does. I, personally, find that stealing INFURIATING. I've been able to curb it only by keeping everything out of his reach. Most of what Theo does is for attention, and the stealing is a big show for attention. If I lock him out of a room so I can do something (get dressed, go down to the basement to do laundry) and he cannot get to me, he will jump five feet up to snatch things off the wine rack (wallet, car keys). So now I crate him if I have to do those things. Seems excessive to crate him for a three minute trip downstairs, but it keeps him out of trouble and me happier.
    I think that having constant anxiety is not good for either of you. Understandably, you likely are very tense over your situation, and then you add in frustratingly normal puppy behaviors, and worry over doing the right thing and that combined will make you crazy. Try to relax, try to remind yourself that he is a work in progress. You are both a work in progress, as far as the training is concerned. Maybe he pulls on the lead 50% of the day one day, then 40% the next. It's progress. With consistency, he will get better. But trying to train a frustrated puppy when you are anxious and frustrated yourself is too much. Nobody leaves feeling good, just more frustrated.
    Maybe you need a safe place to vent, maybe you need relaxation techniques, maybe you need professional training help. I don't know what will help.

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  8. #5
    Senior Dog sparky's Avatar
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    You have enough on you to break an iron man!
    At 11 months sounds like Barley is doing great. At 17 months Mocha still has moments of selective deafness, still grabs socks which is a no no. He will give them back but it has been a constant trial not to make a game out of it.
    It really sounds like you are doing a great job. Once the dust settles ( praying that happens soon) you will find your grove and so will Barley. Hang in there.
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  10. #6
    Senior Dog Tanya's Avatar
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    I do agree with Labradorks. Teenagers of any dogs are brats for the most part. There are excpetions but you expectations of him at his age are too high. I have had Penny over a 1.5 years and we are STILL working on loose leash. In fact, we hit a HUGE set back last month (no idea why, we had been working more than ever). and she's like 2.5 or so now! Rarely is training a simple straight forward and short road. There will be baby steps and some set backs and it will take lots of time.

    Exercise should be both physical and mental. Work that brain of his. Make him work for meals (think for them) and work on tricks and such. As well as physical exercise.

    Personally, I would reduce the LEASH WALKS and up the FREE PLAY. An hour walk isn't going to tire out a dog at that age. A half hour walk with a half hour of play in the yard would be much more bang for your buck. I am not suggesting just adding more exercise TIME to your day, I am suggesting making better use of that time, more of it on free play VS leashed walks - especially if the leash walks are not pleasant. Have him run BEFORE you go on a walk. My girl is always much easier to work wtih after a good 15-20 minutes of fetch/running.

    Make fetching both physical and mental. As for a behaviour before you throw the ball.

    Recall is a crazy hard one for most dogs. What kind of training are you doing on this front? you want to ONLY use the recall word when odds are quite high he will come (even if it means a long line to ensure this) otherwise you don't use the recall word until you've trained it more (or are in a training session or know given situation he will come). Also, you have to find when to call teh dog. Especially during trainign phase. don't call when he is in teh middle of doing something fun. call when he is taking a breath/break. Often reward and send him back to play. I have taken a recall specific 6 week class and followed an online intensive 6 month program on recall and we are still so far from a solid recall. With some dogs it's just not natural.

    Do smile and nod at any alpha dominance reference and then ignore it. It's an old school training before they really worked on understanding dogs.

    Keep away - totally ignore him if he is doing it. or if he's likely to do it use a long line on him so you can gently tug and trade/high reward. USE HIGH VALUE REARDS not just normal treats or kibble.

    Chewing - dog proof. a bit part of dog ownership is setting the dog up for success. Put plants behind barriers or in places he can't get to unless you are there to supersive adn can correct (so not in easy access in a room you leave him unattended in often).


    All of these are typical issues. ANYONE telling you their teenage dog does none of that are lying with possibly a few exeptions or freak perfect dogs (and possibly very experienced trainers). You cannot compare a teenage lab to a small lap dog. and maybe that rescue dog was ubber stressed and shut down and that's why they were so calm (or older). Dogs are dogs. they are nto robots. They will continue to get into trouble their entire lives to some extent.

    If you can handle a doggy daycare or whatnot once in awhile to give yourself a break that coudl be nice for both of you. Or find dogs to set up play dates - playing with another dog is the best way to get their energy out.

    And often, just a question of taking a deep breath. they can be so frustrating. but finding a way to laugh at the ridiculousness can go a long way. not saying to not keep training and striving for improvement but sometimes the only choices we have is to cry or laugh. I try when I can to choose to laugh. Some days, i do cry though.

    This last part I say even as someone in rescue. You haven't said it but I want to just put it out there: sometimes our lives change so much that rehoming a dog isn't the worst thing.
    Last edited by Tanya; 04-21-2015 at 10:47 AM.

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  12. #7
    Senior Dog POPTOP's Avatar
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    Agree with the above posts. Your plate is overflowing with stress. Give yourself a break, you are doing fine and so is Bailey. He's still a pup and still learning. Think about training time, walks, etc., as your escape time, just the two of you. Bet when you look deep into his eyes, it makes you smile. Bet even some of the trying times, he makes you smile.

    OK, I've not had a puppy in the house for a long time but I do remember the trials and most of all I remember the smiles and laughter.

    Sending you tons of patience and endurance.

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  14. #8
    Senior Dog doubledip1's Avatar
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    I agree. Give yourself a break! A divorce is so hard! I would up the free play too. When Luna started her teenager phase (it was the WORST), everything became Nothing in Life is Free. If we are playing fetch, she had to lay down and stay until I release her to go after the ball. Now, just an automatic down and I'll throw the ball. She's almost 2 and we're still working on some things.

    Puppies are the best and also the worst. Sending you tons of patience.
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  16. #9
    Senior Dog Tanya's Avatar
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    Teenage dogs (most breeds) are such a pain in the arse, that's why one finds so many 8-18 month old dogs in rescue and shelters! they drive most people to tears!

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  18. #10
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    Don't listen to that friend.

    Barley is doing great for an 11-month-old high-energy lab.

    You have a ton of stress right now; try to focus on the positive aspects of Barley. He's definitely making progress, and know that all of the time that you can commit to him right now will pay off ten-fold.

    Kimber was a challenging puppy but all the time and effort we poured into her turned her into an amazing companion animal.

    Hang in there!
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