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  1. #1
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    Official Foster Failures, and a 'What Would You Do' scenario

    I know I never responded to the thread asking about our foster puppy and original dog, DD. Well, it came down to the wire (literally), but we decided to keep the pup. We couldn't let him go, and they'd gotten slightly better together... so we did it. Now, they're still not GREAT... DD certainly still has angry moments, and they play super rough. But, every day is slightly better than the last. Mostly.

    Now, a What Would You Do... I'm upset at this. My in-laws LOVE our original dog, DD. I mean, love him like nothing else. They walk him daily while we're at work (even if it's not for a long day), or they'll take him to the lake or for him to sleep at their house, etc etc. He's very spoiled by them.

    Keep in mind, they did not want us to get Diamond; they thought we were crazy for getting a puppy. Now, he's the light of their lives. So, about two years ago, they told us 'do not get another dog; we will not help you'. Which I thought was rather rude; that's like telling someone not to have another baby. And we don't NEED them to help us with DD, actually. They just like to.

    As you can see above, we DID get another puppy. As stated, they refuse to have anything to do with him. Literally. He's a puppy, and is so excited to see them, but they'll ignore him. They keep telling people that the puppy is a bad influence on DD, when that is just not true. Saying things like the pup taught DD to beg at the table, when, um, it was them who did that, by feeding him... three years ago! And so on.

    Anyhow... my heart aches for the pup. To me, that's like showing preference to a grandchild. That one side of the family is entirely against the puppy, which I just find horrible. My family, meanwhile, is completely on board and love them both the same. Ugh. I am so angry, but don't think I can say anything, really. I don't want this to be a source of contention, but it's getting there. I fear the holidays, where DD is allowed the run of the place and receives a ton of toys, and I feel like the pup will not be so welcome.

    And before anyone says 'don't take DD to the holiday', let me say that they prefer he be there than us, lol.

    Ugh, I'm so angry and heartbroken over this!

  2. #2
    Senior Dog Maxx&Emma's Avatar
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    I don't understand how anyone, especially family, can act like this. I don't know that they would be welcome in my home without an attitude adjustment, JMHO.
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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by dd's mommy View Post
    I know I never responded to the thread asking about our foster puppy and original dog, DD. Well, it came down to the wire (literally), but we decided to keep the pup. We couldn't let him go, and they'd gotten slightly better together... so we did it. Now, they're still not GREAT... DD certainly still has angry moments, and they play super rough. But, every day is slightly better than the last. Mostly.

    Now, a What Would You Do... I'm upset at this. My in-laws LOVE our original dog, DD. I mean, love him like nothing else. They walk him daily while we're at work (even if it's not for a long day), or they'll take him to the lake or for him to sleep at their house, etc etc. He's very spoiled by them.

    Keep in mind, they did not want us to get Diamond; they thought we were crazy for getting a puppy. Now, he's the light of their lives. So, about two years ago, they told us 'do not get another dog; we will not help you'. Which I thought was rather rude; that's like telling someone not to have another baby. And we don't NEED them to help us with DD, actually. They just like to.

    As you can see above, we DID get another puppy. As stated, they refuse to have anything to do with him. Literally. He's a puppy, and is so excited to see them, but they'll ignore him. They keep telling people that the puppy is a bad influence on DD, when that is just not true. Saying things like the pup taught DD to beg at the table, when, um, it was them who did that, by feeding him... three years ago! And so on.

    Anyhow... my heart aches for the pup. To me, that's like showing preference to a grandchild. That one side of the family is entirely against the puppy, which I just find horrible. My family, meanwhile, is completely on board and love them both the same. Ugh. I am so angry, but don't think I can say anything, really. I don't want this to be a source of contention, but it's getting there. I fear the holidays, where DD is allowed the run of the place and receives a ton of toys, and I feel like the pup will not be so welcome.

    And before anyone says 'don't take DD to the holiday', let me say that they prefer he be there than us, lol.

    Ugh, I'm so angry and heartbroken over this!

    If it were my human kids. I would make a condition of seeing the older one being nice to the younger one. In your case, if they can’t be nice to the puppy then end their relationship with the older dog. Your in-laws are trying to control you by doing this and it's up to you to put a stop to it if you don't like it. Now honestly, I don’t think dogs are as sensitive to stuff like this so I might just ignore it and make it up to the puppy myself since it’s dogs, not human kids.
    Last edited by Annette47; 08-06-2015 at 04:46 PM.
    Annette

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  5. #4
    Senior Dog Snowshoe's Avatar
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    I can't help thinking that if the in-laws spoiled DD by feeding him at the table then their ignoring the puppy might be a good thing. They seem to be a bad influence. Ignoring is ok, as long as they are not mean to puppy.

    Other than that comment I'm not sure what to say. As long as they don't endanger DD he surely benefits from the walks. It's a shame they won't take the pup but maybe two are too much. And anyway, we always tell folks here dogs need to be trained separately if they are the same age so having one out and the other not is not such a big deal. It's just sad.

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  7. #5
    Senior Dog smartrock's Avatar
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    That's a tough situation. I'd be tempted to change the locks.

    Diamond probably won't know there's much going on unless they're blatantly mean to him. He doesn't know they're talking bad about him behind or in front of him. I personally would not take either of the pups to their house for any holidays or anything else, no matter who they prefer to entertain. I wouldn't let grandparents treat my human kids differently. I don't like to be manipulated by relatives.

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  9. #6
    Chief Pooper Scooper JenC's Avatar
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    My first inclination is to say, Stop letting the parents control your life. If you don't need their help with your older dog, then stop letting them have the fun with the dog without the responsibilities of owning one themselves. They have no right to tell you if you can have a second dog or not unless you are living in THEIR house, which I am assuming you aren't.

    I think you are making it more of a big deal though....I don't think the puppy cares. Dogs don't think like that.

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  11. #7
    Best Friend Retriever SoapySophie's Avatar
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    Puppy may not see what's going on YET, but once his personality develops he will detect something. I think it's cruel that they behave that way to an innocent, sweet pup. I'd put a stop to this if it were me. It's very immature of them, I think.
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  12. #8
    House Broken Itstangy's Avatar
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    I think they are doing this on purpose because you didn't "listen" to them when they said to not get a second dog. Since you didn't "listen" to them that is why they are behaving like this. Very childish and immature. As long as you are not living under their roof and are not receiving any financial assistance from them, you don't owe them anything. You should be able to do what you want to do.

    Just pretend you are not aware of what they are doing and give both of your dogs your love and attention. I know it hurts when they play favorites to your pups, but know that they are purposely doing this to you because you didn't listen to them. Don't give them the satisfaction by showing you are upset. Just accept it and know yourself that you don't treat them differently and you don't play favorites. Be the best parent to your fur kids that you can.

    Good luck! Good thing they aren't actual human kids...dealing with in-laws is always like balancing on a tightrope.

  13. #9
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    Thanks all. Yes, I'm sure I'm making it out to be more than it is; I just feel so bad. The pup probably doesn't care much, yet (despite what I think)... Ah, I just had a rough day of it and was so frustrated by it all. I lov both my boys so much, I hate to see it. But I truly wasn't sure how to proceed; open my big mouth or not, haha. Oh well, like my SO said: we love them both so much, and it's our life and our love to give. Those dogs won't ever want for love from us.

  14. #10
    Senior Dog Labradorks's Avatar
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    I agree with JenC. It's just energy wasted for both parties.

    Try to look at the relationship as a whole, though. You allow them free reign to your home and dog and will bring the dog to their house for the holidays because that's what they want and what makes them happy, but then you are upset because they don't like that you got a new dog. You kind of have to decide if you are going to care about what they want or what makes them happy when it comes to your life and your decisions. Or just accept that they will like some stuff and not others and if they want to waste energy on it, that is their problem, not yours. Life is too short!

 



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