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Thread: Livid!

  1. #1
    Senior Dog POPTOP's Avatar
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    Livid!

    Steaming, spitting fire, whatever you want to call it. Those of you that know me through the board, know that I'm a pretty calm person, fairly easy going, not one to create problems.

    As mentioned before the board crashed, DD is in the middle of getting a divorce. It's been hard on her and heartbreaking to see. The divorce should be finalized July or so. "He" has been a total butt head. He still is not working and does little to nothing around the house. Life is all about him, in his view. IL is a state with marital property is divided 50:50. Well, he has talked his mom into buying the house so he does not have to move in with her. ARG! This house was bought and payments made totally from DD's inheritance from her dad. OK, it's a shame but that's the law. DD's lawyer told DD that's OK because she is not the one to have to move and if the house is paid off she will not have to make mortgage payments.

    They have a minivan and a car. DD is getting the van because she needs it for the kids. He is getting the car. He has now talked his mother into buying him a van for the times he has the kids AND wants to keep the car too. He wants DD to sign a statement that she will not claim half the van which she can do per law. His excuse, he wants to give it to GS WHEN he gets is license. What, he's going to hold on to this older car while GS finishes school and basic training in the military? Plus he says if he gets a job it's cheaper to drive; give me a break.

    OK, that's the aggravating part.

    He had a 8th grade graduation party for GD and he sent out all the invitations. I was not invited. That's OK, it was all his side of the family coming. Last night's Tuesday night dinner was a mini party; she got to pick dinner, dessert, etc. Well, GD asked me on Facebook why I did not go to her other party. What could I tell her, that her father did not invite me? No way was I going to put her in the middle of all this crap. I told her I had a cold, which thankfully I do have, sinus crap with cough. She told her dad that is why I did not come and he told her, "That was just an excuse".

    I have tolerated him the few times I've seen him to pick up kids, etc., to keep peace around the kids. Just waiting for the opportunity to get him by himself and I'm going to unload. He doesn't care a wit how he upsets the kids. Don't think I've ever been so angry at a person. It's said don't get between a mother and her kids. Well, it's worse if you get a grandmother riled up.

  2. #2
    Real Retriever krosen's Avatar
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    I would have told her that the party was for his side of the family and that is why you did not go. It's very hard to stay partial in situations like this when one party is being a knuckle head. I don't envy these situations. I am sorry you all have to go through this.

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  4. #3
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    How will the time with kids be divided once divorce final? What about child support?

    I would advise to avoid your intent in the last paragraph. While retrain is hard you as the matriarch of family should act like you want other to act. Calm, show love to daughter and grandkids, don't badmouth him in front of grandkids or really at all so it does not get back to them in some way. Don't let it be known to him how he has controlled your emotions.

    Once divorce is over and some time passes these emotions will fade, relationships will change, and as kids grow older they'll gain perspective.

    Until then a place like this is perfect to vent.

    Just my $0.02. I'm an idiot most of the time so take for what you will.

    Good luck with everything regardless which route you take. I know how frustrating it is.

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  6. #4
    Senior Dog 4Thelove's Avatar
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    oh man, i would be livid too

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  8. #5
    Senior Dog janedoe's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry.

    I was raised from birth in this kind of environment. Please know that kids get it. It doesn't take long at all for them to figure it out. The one thing I would have liked to have been told is that the adults were working some things out and that it didn't have anything to do with the kids. In this kind of case, I would recommend telling your GD that her dad wants to have his own time with them now that he and their mom aren't together anymore. Your GD knows that you aren't avoiding her and she has plenty of friends to talk to about divorce. She is probably generally angry about the situation though and you're a safe person to unload on. In the short term, she may seem like she's doing more with her dad or for her dad because she wants to help him feel better (and he'll give her the impression that she needs to take care of him) but she'll come to her mom and you when she needs someone to be there for her.

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  10. #6
    Senior Dog POPTOP's Avatar
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    Thanks, I did need to vent.

    Oh, I definitely will not unload on him until the divorce is final. No way and I going to create any more problems than there already are.

    They will be co-parenting, sharing time fairly equally, so there is no alimony or child support involved. They sat down and worked this out between themselves and with advice from their respective attorneys.

    How DD knows all this stuff going on is that the little kids come home and it's a case of "out of the mouths of babes". DD will ask if they had a good day and of course they are going to tell her all that happened. Otherwise, she would not have know about the house or van. She does not ask them specifics and such. DD realizes that he is their dad and the kids need a dad.

    I'm just steamed and needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

  11. #7
    Senior Dog Bamps's Avatar
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    Divorce is so ugly and nasty. When my son went through his it was rough. I don't know about your state but here there was the divorce, and later custody. They had "joint" per county guidelines until my GS started school. Luckily, she decided to disobey court orders and a few other things and my son won custody and she was supposed to pay child support. He and his lawyer waived child support, (I wouldn't have), but it all boils down to keeping your cool, stay on court orders.

    It's rough, I feel for you.

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  13. #8
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    Well, it's obvious why your DD is divorcing him - he's a momma's boy.

    If he's not going to play nice there isn't anything you can do. Big thing is you can't lie to the kids, ever. "I wasn't invited, the party was for daddy's family." Don't worry, kids are strangely intuitive and they'll figure out his game real quick. They always do.

    If he plays his games, using the kids as pawns etc. vent here. In a very short time it will all blow up in his face, which will be everyone else's fault. lol Ugh, I hate people who call themselves parents who do this crap.

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  15. #9
    Best Friend Retriever Sue's Avatar
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    Aw man, Fran. This really sucks. The one thing I absolutely hate to see is the kids being used as pawns in a breakup. And we grandparents have to sit by and really not say anything.

    I have no advice to offer, but just want to let you know we're here when you need to vent. And to send these

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  17. #10
    Senior Dog Snowshoe's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry this is going on. It was scary to see your title, you livid? It must be awfully bad. Come vent, for your grans and DD to need to stay on an even keel.

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