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  1. #1
    Puppy
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    Mar 2016
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    Leaving your relationship, leaving your lab?

    Long-time poster posting anonymously for this.

    I'm seriously considering ending my long-term relationship (20 years). We have no children, but we have a labrador. I love this dog with my entire heart. So does my partner. Partner is the primary caretaker for our lab and if the relationship ends, the lab would stay with the partner. I have zero concerns that the lab would suffer in any way in the custody of partner.

    But me? I know I would suffer. I cry just imagining not having the dog in my life. In fact, I think I've stayed in a not-so-great situation because I want to be with my lab.

    This would sound ridiculous to most of the world, but I know many of you can sympathize. I post looking for advice on how to process and come to terms with the possible loss.

  2. #2
    Senior Dog
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    May 2014
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    Ellicott City, MD
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    I have absolutely no advice...and if you knew my situation, you might not want my advice anyway (i.e., who am I to give advice).

    I just wanted to send you good thoughts...for peace of mind, strength...

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    MontananDakota (03-02-2016)

  4. #3
    Real Retriever
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    Nov 2015
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    Seattle
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    So sorry you are going through this...any possibility it would be civil and you could do 50/50?

  5. #4
    Senior Dog MontananDakota's Avatar
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    May 2014
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    NJ
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    I'm in no shape to give advice ..and there's no replacing a friend like a lab but there are so many others (labs | dogs) that could adopting one of your own possibly help you get over the change...?

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    Maxx&Emma (03-03-2016)

  7. #5
    Real Retriever
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    May 2014
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    South Carolina
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    My 20 year relationship ended about 3 years ago. While it was a very hard time for both of us, we agreed to "visitation" rights. I kept the boys because I got the house and he gets them every few weeks for a week. It works for us. I guess it just depends on the nature of your relationship.

  8. #6
    Senior Dog arentspowell's Avatar
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    May 2014
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    Tampa, FL
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    I was in a previous relationship that I stayed in much longer than I should have because I didn't want to lose my dog. At that time I was not in a position to be able to take the dog with me. It was so hard but in the end I knew the relationship was toxic and I needed to get out. Sending good thoughts your way, we are here for you

  9. #7
    Senior Dog Snowshoe's Avatar
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    May 2014
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    I have no ideas, no advice but I certainly understand. A neighbour lady worked with abused women and was trying to set up safe houses for the pets of abused women. It's a problem that the women (I imagine some men too) will stay with an abusive partner for fear of what would become of the pet. Not to imply in any way that is the case for you but I can see staying for the pet in any kind of relationship.
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  10. #8
    Senior Dog WhoopsaDaisy's Avatar
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    May 2014
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    Georgia
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    I'm so sorry. I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship but ...have you considered marriage/relationship counseling?
    I hope so.
    If not possible, I would consider volunteering at a rescue / shelter to help with the separation and also some visiting rights.
    Katie and Aric (7/1/17) Hidden Content
    Whoops-a-Daisy B. 1-26-13 Gotcha 8-25-13
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    “Once you have had a wonderful dog, a life without one, is a life diminished.”
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  11. #9
    Senior Dog POPTOP's Avatar
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    Tough, tough situation. Knowing that your dog would be happy and safe is of concern and seems that with either of you that would be the case. It's going to be a heartbreak either way.

    Maybe visitation would work if you are both in the same area. My heart goes out to you.
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  12. #10
    Senior Dog doubledip1's Avatar
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    That's the worst. My heart breaks for you.

    I split up with my ex of 3 years and we raised Luna from a puppy together.

    I got to keep Luna. I let him visit for a while but he made some really awful comments so now he doesn't get to see her anymore. It breaks my heart, but that's how it has to be.

    Honestly, I think visiting would be worse, and confusing for the dog.
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