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  • Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
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    1. #11
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      POPTOP's Avatar
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      Thank you so much for noticing and taking concern. Another thought, it could be medication she is taking and the onset slow so she just does not notice. All the suggestions are great, family, church, neighbors, adult protective services. What if she forgot something on the stove or running water in the tub?
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      Jeff (07-16-2018)

    3. #12
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      My husband was a neurologist and Dementia was sort of a specialty of his because, frankly, not many neurologists like to deal with these people. Memory is just one aspect of the disease, and maybe just a leading indicator. A more important one is judgement, "executive functioning." Sounds like she's OK there for now.

      I agree with many here... kudos for noticing and caring. It would do no good to mention it to her. For the period of time that the conversation rattled around in her mind, it would probably disturb her... then she'd forget it.

      Keep a look out for any signs of personal neglect. Wearing inappropriate clothing for the season, looking untidy, as if she isn't bathing. Look for weight loss, perhaps. This is when the disease process is reaching a tipping point. It doesn't sound like she's there.

      I don't think Adult Protective Services could do much, legally, unless she is neglecting herself, and actually in danger. Doing what you can to contact family members is probably the more appropriate course of action.

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      Jeff (07-16-2018)

    5. #13
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      Quote Originally Posted by janedoe View Post

      I would strongly advise against bringing it up with her. Anxiety worsens the situation exponentially. Don't ever correct her either. Just act normally around her even if you're answering the same question or hearing the same story fifty times. It's the kindest thing to do.
      I agree. STRONGLY advise bringing it up or correcting her. Just nod and say your air conditioning is holding out just fine. I learned this the hard way with my DH's grandmother. She would ask us how the drive up to NY was and I would give her a sincere explanation of our trip to only have her ask the same question later in the day and then again the next day and the next etc. A nod and a smile "It was great" would have been sufficient. Correcting her will only embarrass her or make her defensive, neither of which you want to do. Agree with the adult services route and trying to get a hold of her family.

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      Jeff (07-16-2018)

    7. #14
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      BUT, at the end of her life my Mum had what the Doctor told us was "terminal dementia." Apparently there several kinds of dementia, not just Alzheimers. I asked what we should do when Mum was confused and was told to try to gently bring her back to the present and out of her delusion. It was hard. On one visit she was apparently aware she was in hospital and worried about a book she had borrowed from one friend and loaned to another friend, both named Jean, both real people I had met, one passed away. Mum was upset, said she should not have loaned out one friend's book to another friend and would I go get it back. I figured she would have forgotten all about it by my next visit (I could only get down about every other day) and agreed. Darned if, not only DID she remember, now I was the bad daughter for not having bothered to do this task for her.

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      Jeff (07-16-2018)

    9. #15
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      Any cognitive disease is terrible and sad to watch progress. Try to be patient and understanding with your neighbor. My guess is her family already knows that her mind is slipping, but good to talk with them anyway.

      Kudos to you, Jeff, for caring about her.

      LOL at you story, Snowshoe!

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      Jeff (07-16-2018)

    11. #16
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      Thanks all, sorry late reply as I got swamped over the weekend.

      Anyway I will ask a few other neighbors, see if they notice anything or have family contact information. The guy that lives directly across the street checks in on her as well. Especially in this heat, she doesn't have air conditioning. Then again she never has. She is honestly a tough old gal, always has been as long as I have known her. She is doing fine personally, she is always dressed properly and fine, always taking care of herself and her house. She had a reapare service out this weekend, she had a leaky pipe and called the plumbers in to fix it. I do know she has other visitors on occasion. She does belong to a church, but I do not know which one, it's not nearby. I remember few years ago, we had a huge snow storm on her regular church night, and I called her and asked her if she wanted me to take her to her church service. She has a car and me 4WD. She thanked me and declined though she said her church was down town Grand Rapids which there are hundreds. This would have been an hour drive in the snow storm. So she didn't want to go out at all in it. I will keep an eye on her, see if anything really changes. Right now I just notice the forgetfulness in conversations.

    12. #17
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      Thanks, Jeff, You're a good man.

      I'm sure my 89 year old Mom would tell you stories over and over and she's not ready for an APS visit either. Sounds like your neighbor may have some support in the area. At her age, though, if she'd give you a contact person, it would offer another layer of support. My Mom has fallen out in her back yard before and ended up crawling into the house because she hadn't gotten hurt too badly. A sister of mine lives with her but she's visually impaired and may not notice there's anything to be concerned about before a passing neighbor did. It's a lovely thing you do to be concerned for her welfare.

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      Jeff (Today)

    14. #18
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      I would agree with trying to get a relatives number. You can ask her who you should contact in case of an emergency. Id also ask if anyone in the neighborhood has a key to get into her place for the same reason. You are amazing for caring and paying attention.

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      Jeff (Today)

    16. #19
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      Jeff, I forgot to say this, but a neighbour did look out for my Mum. He lived across the street and shovelled her driveway, cut her grass, had a key and was listed on her alert bracelet as a contact. My sister lived pretty close but he was closer and was a big comfort to us. I do have to say though, Mum was not happy with his checking on her, thought he was being nosy.

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      Jeff (Today)

    18. #20
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      You're a good man Jeff. Thank you for caring.
      Kathy--mom to:
      Mac--chocolate lab
      Scotty--Arabian gelding


      No philosophers so thoroughly comprehend us as dogs and horses.
      (Herman Melville Redburn)

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      Jeff (Today)

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