Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13
  1. #1
    Senior Dog janedoe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    5,095
    Thanked: 1922

    How much of your identity is your job?

    Got a family letter from a relative today. She went on about what all of the kids were doing, their degrees, etc. I know that she has pressured them to go into certain professions to the exclusion of all else and it bothers me. That's all she talks about when it comes to them with the exception of her youngest who she has described for many years as "anxious". Meanwhile, she talks about herself as being essentially miserable because she feels that she has to work all of the time. Her husband has a ridiculous number of anxiety related health issues, so much so that I wonder how long he'll live.

    My husband and I make good money. We are both very well educated and continue our professional education to keep up with new developments. We are also very flexible with respect to the industry we work in. But when I talk about us, I don't think of myself that way other than that we enjoy our jobs. My identity is just as much about what I do that enriches my brain, helps my community, my contribution to my family and what I truly enjoy.

    While I sympathize with her situation to the extent that there are things that are out of her control, she has told me that she doesn't want feedback about personal stuff. That's fine but for the fact that she keeps bringing it up. When I tell her what we're doing, she has nothing to say. Recently, she has asked about what my husband is doing as if I'm not doing anything which is fair because I am increasingly reluctant to talk about myself given that I get a snarky remark at best along the lines of "what's that". She doesn't understand what we do and she doesn't care. If it's not lawyer or nurse or some word that is popularly understood, she dismisses it.

    I'm at the point that I don't want to talk to her anymore but maybe I just don't understand where she's coming from. Maybe I need perspective and understanding.

    How much of your identity is your job?

  2. #2
    Senior Dog
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Ellicott City, MD
    Posts
    6,626
    Thanked: 3641
    I didn't realize just how much of my identity was my job until I had to retire (early...disability) and then I realized, especially as time went on and my abilities never improved, that I feel like I'm basically a non-entity. I'm a dog Mom...that's about it. Tough realization.

    I worked for Medicare. I never talked about my job...I didn't feel self-important because of it. (It sounds like your relative has a touch of that going for her.)

    But ask me about my dogs...

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to SunDance For This Useful Post:

    janedoe (12-14-2018)

  4. #3
    Senior Dog
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    MI
    Posts
    733
    Thanked: 440
    My job is what I do, not my identity. The fact I work for a specific company or in a certain role doesn't define me. My job requires logical and analytical thinking and that carries over into aspects of my personal life. Therefore the type of work I do does define me somewhat but my identity also includes what I do outside work.

    When a former employer was going through several years of work force reductions, it was scary seeing people who identified 100% with their job. They were devastated when the were cut and struggled so much more than those of us who knew more than just work.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to JC001 For This Useful Post:

    janedoe (12-14-2018)

  6. #4
    Senior Dog
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Williamsburg, Virginia
    Posts
    2,610
    Thanked: 2964
    Well, I don't know what's going on with your relative- sounds like the troubles run deep in that river.

    For me, my identity is very much tied up with my job. Even my favorite hobby, reading, links back to librarianship! Having a dog has been good for me because it gets me away from work.

    DH, otoh, is firmly in the "work to live, not live to work" world. At the end of the day, he is done and he doesn't think about anything work-related until he's on the clock again. He has more hobbies than me.
    Stormageddon, Princess of Darkness, aka "Stormy"
    Birthday 9-13-18, Gotcha Day 11-11-18
    Hidden Content

    Miss Kimber, CGC, 6/15/2005-1/27/2018 forever in our hearts



  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kimbersmom For This Useful Post:

    janedoe (12-14-2018), windycanyon (12-16-2018)

  8. #5
    Senior Dog Berna's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Belgrade, Serbia
    Posts
    4,081
    Thanked: 4633
    None, really. It's just a means for doing what I like, traveling that is. I don't miss it for a day when I am on vacation and I could think of so many things to fill my day if I didn't have to work and just had the money.
    Cookie Black Snowflake
    July 12th, 2006. - May 25th, 2023.

    Hidden Content

    Hidden Content

    Hidden Content
    Hidden Content | Hidden Content | Hidden Content | Hidden Content

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Berna For This Useful Post:

    janedoe (12-15-2018)

  10. #6
    Senior Dog zd262's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Raleigh, NC
    Posts
    1,280
    Thanked: 760
    One of the reasons that I wanted to leave San Francisco is because I felt like people treated me like my job was my identity, was all people talked about, and upon meeting new people only asked what they did. I love my job, and I have personal passions that led me into it and I do think it is reflective of my personality, but I also have a lot of personal hobbies and activities that I like to talk about and enjoy. Now that I live in Austin I feel much more refreshed by people's' attitudes towards work.
    Hidden Content

    Hidden Content

    Bubba's instagram: @thebubbinator

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to zd262 For This Useful Post:

    janedoe (12-15-2018)

  12. #7
    Senior Dog MightyThor's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Bend, Oregon
    Posts
    2,024
    Thanked: 3035
    I love my job, I love what I do. I lead a product that makes millions of dollars a year, employs hundreds of people across the globe, provides me a good lifestyle, and affords me the opportunity to travel to locations and meet people I never even dreamed about as a child (I'm writing this from an airport lounge as I travel home from a work trip to India). But if you look at my social media and what my friends and family know me for, it's not my job. I like to talk about it with people who are interested, or when i meet people in the same industry at conferences, but it's not my life. Sometimes a friend I've had for years will suddenly say to me, "you know, I don't really know what you do."

    Like zd262, coming from the San Francisco Area, I knew too many people who were consumed by their job. Or who were so judgemental of people who were not consumed by their job. I want to be a well rounded person. People know me as an outdoor sports nut, a dog mom, a weird kitchen experimenter, a traveler (not just work related) and other things.

  13. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MightyThor For This Useful Post:

    bmathers (12-15-2018), janedoe (12-15-2018), windycanyon (12-16-2018)

  14. #8
    Senior Dog janedoe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    5,095
    Thanked: 1922
    Thank you everyone. I was so annoyed. Then I looked at it again and realized that only one of these nine kids (blended family) had gone into any of these professions. It was applications for schools, thinking about going into such and so. The oldest is 30. I'm not saying that there should be a time that anyone looks into a new profession but the facts don't match what she's trying to convey.

    It's unfortunate because I don't feel like I can talk to her. Basically, I can't talk about what I do much at all except for generalizations and it sounds pretty boring to most people anyway. But, boy, if I bring up my new obsession with sewing, that will be like a nail in a coffin. She will treat me like an absolute idiot.

    Oh well. Her loss. My husband wants a Star Trek uniform and we found his mom's old Pfaff machine in the attic so we have much to do this holiday season.

  15. #9
    Senior Dog voodoo's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    NM
    Posts
    1,162
    Thanked: 689
    who the heck likes to talk about work...lame
    Amateur pet owner
    Hidden Content
    Chili born 7/21/2013

  16. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to voodoo For This Useful Post:

    bmathers (12-15-2018), janedoe (12-15-2018), zd262 (12-15-2018)

  17. #10
    Real Retriever Beth C's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    277
    Thanked: 154
    As a retired middle school teacher, my former life was consumed with my job. Teaching sucks the life out of a person; it's not what it used to be when I first started teaching. I bought my last two years and retired early. Best thing I ever did!

  18. The Following User Says Thank You to Beth C For This Useful Post:

    bmathers (12-15-2018)

 



Not a Member of the Labrador Retriever Chat Forums Yet?
Register for Free and Share Your Labrador Retriever Photos

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •