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    1. #1
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      doubledip1's Avatar
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      UGH! In law drama... advice please

      MIL called DH. She asked if we were done with Christmas forever because we're not putting our tree up this year. We're not putting our tree up because we move into our new house January 10th. Why would we get the tree down from the attic, assemble it, disassemble it and move all of our stuff? It just seems crazy to me to put the tree up. I'm also Jewish, and MIL hates that (they're Catholic). She thinks because DH married a Jewish girl he's going to convert. He went to Catholic schools all his life but is totally done with Catholicism, it's too much for him, etc. So if he stops celebrating Christmas, it'll be because of him and he's sick of having to shop for everyone, etc.

      ANYWAY.
      MIL and FIL run an in-home pet sitting business. So EVERY time we visit, they have dogs staying at their house. Luna, being a well socialized Lab still technically puppy, always wants to play with the dogs. Their yard isn't fenced, so they can only play inside. MIL squirts Luna with a water bottle whenever she tries to play (the other dogs are play bowing back, wanting to play chase, etc.) I always tell MIL Luna is playing, I redirect Luna to me, have her lay down by my side, or I'll take her for a walk, etc. Her exercise is limited when we visit because MIL gets upset when we leave the house instead of hanging out with her, but they don't have a fenced yard and live in a very tightly packed neighborhood, so we have to leave to play. I bring Kongs with me, freeze them, I bring a crate, etc. But Luna is still very well behaved when she's there.

      For once, they didn't have any dogs scheduled at their house so Luna was going to be the only dog, yay! SIL got a rescue dog a week ago. We know nothing about this rescue dog other than SIL says it's very docile. Okay, but is it friendly with other dogs, etc. She doesn't know. Nobody knew she was planning to get a dog, she just got one and brought it home. They live a 10 hour drive away from MIL and FIL. We're a 4 hour drive.

      So MIL is talking to DH on the phone about how she's glad SIL got a dog. How happy she is that it's a rescue dog, how we never should've gotten a purebred dog, etc. I have my reasons for getting a puppy from a great breeder, and I knew I didn't want anything other than a Lab.

      But here's the kicker. She called Luna wild. And asked DH why I and Luna couldn't stay home while just he visited for Christmas. DH is furious and doesn't want to go, but it's one of those "we have to" situations. Oh, and MIL asks if I'm pregnant EVERY time we visit or EVERY time he calls. I don't drink alcohol, so she can't tell. I'm also super slim, so if I was pregnant, she would know. I think she asks just to infuriate me. She hates me and doesn't want me to be pregnant, so I don't know why she's so obsessed about it.

      Please send me warm thoughts to keep me sane during this visit... we're leaving Wednesday morning, staying overnight Wednesday and Thursday, leaving ASAP on Friday.

      Or pray for a snowstorm so we can't go at all.
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    2. #2
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      ok, i am jewish and my husband, a lapsed catholic. we married, i had two kids, and wasn't having others. he knew that from our third date. i am 4 yrs older than he, and when we married, i was 36 and he was 32. i had a 13 yr old, and a 9 yr old. done.

      not being religious, we decided that christmas time, we would have a real tree and decorate. swell. oh yeah, left out he had a crazy loon sister. i was introduced to people, by my mother in law, as her "jewish daughter in law" or by his last girlfriends'(12 yr) name. after about 4 yrs i said to nick "don't you think by now, your ma should know my name?" . fyi-till she died, i was maryellen.

      the dog situation-well, i would keep my girl close to me, and make sure she didnt get sprayed because i would be tempted to rip the bottle out of her hands and spray her in the face . probably not good advice but i m letting it out.

      and as far as her asking if you are pregnant-THAT WOULD PUT ME RIGHT OVER THE EDGE and honestly my answer would be "how do you know if we are trying and not getting pregnant. please , please, never ask me personal questions again. how can you ask such personal questions".

      and if she ever had the balls to ask anything similar -any personal questions, that would be my answer . "how can you ask such personal questions?" and THEN DO NOT ANSWER HER.

      and i know just what you are going thru.
      my name was not maryellen.

      fortunately we had zero to do with his thieving sister (whole other story) and she died at a very young age .
      i better not say more or i might burn in hell, if there is one.

      chin up, be cool, get a xanex and let them screw themselves.
      Last edited by bett; 12-22-2014 at 04:00 PM.

    3. #3
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      I was born and raised Catholic but as it seems to be the trend...lapsed. My grandma is still very devout and luckily not like either of your in-law's and crazy about it.

      I am very outspoken and will say what is on my mind when people say inappropriate things to me...maybe you just need to stand up for yourself and get her to shut up? Not sure if you have tried this or not. Say something to shock her into silence and then smile and walk away.

      For example, when she asks you if you are pregnant say, "yes but we are going to have it aborted since my wild dog would just eat it anyway" and walk away. Being a Catholic, she will not like that answer and she will know that you know she has been talking about you behind your back.

      This is probably really horrible advice so you may just want to ignore it....
      “Don't allow your happiness to be interrupted by overly judgmental people. The problem is not you, because even if you do good all the time, they would still find a way to judge you wrongly.”
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    5. #4
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      Wow, that situation sounds like a nightmare, sorry you have to deal with that. I like Bett's last sentence, good advice. If I were you I would say I'm sick and stay home with Luna. How can she be a pet sitter and seem to have no understanding of dogs, I would not like to have someone squirting my dog for normal behavior, don't mess with my dogs!!! LOL

      Hang in there, hope the clouds are gathering for a big storm, and next week it will be over with. Let us know how it goes.....if you have to go.

    6. #5
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      Ugh, that sounds awful! So very sorry and hope you get through this without strangling someone.

      For what it's worth, DH and I both celebrate Christmas but I go spend it at my folks without him. He has asthma and my parents are chain smokers. Their idea of accommodating this is cracking a window open when they smoke. Obviously, that doesn't work at all. So now I'm going to drive down (3.5 hours) by myself, spend the night in a hotel, come back on the 26th. DH, Kimber and I will have a second Christmas when I get home.
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    7. #6
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      Sounds like she is just trying every angle she can to get to you (Christmas tree, children, Luna, your DH). IMHO, your DH needs to sit down with his Mom and tell her that you two are married and that treating you this way in wrong. As a Catholic, marriage should be sacred to her and trying to drive a wedge or make you miserable is truly a sin against what God has brought together. She'll deny it all, I'm sure.

      I love Beth101509's response "yes, but we are going to have it aborted since my wild dog would just eat it anyway". Inappropriate but funny

      Here's another opinion - You don't have to go. You can celebrate with your family - you, DH and Luna. One year, many years ago, I got so upset with my family. Since I was single at the time, it was OK for me to be the one to drive all over the place and go out my way to get to everyone's house all over the state on an impossible time frame. I was so angry and hurt. I said "Fine, if I have to do all the traveling, I'm travelling to Key West for Thanksgiving". And I did. Fabulous holiday! Key Lime Pie is now a holiday favorite

    8. #7
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      Well, I'm afraid I really like Beth's suggestion. And the snowstorm.

      I used to tell people I did not like or want kids. To those that insisted I should have them anyway and would change my mind I said, "Boy, you really hate kids; more that I do." That stopped most cold in their tracks but if they persisted I asked, "Why are you wishing a poor innocent child on someone who says they don't want them? Don't you think every child should be wanted?" Nah, that didn't work for some either, but it changed the tone of the conversation.

    9. #8
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      I hope you all can work it out.

    10. #9
      Senior Dog
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      Oh, I also wanted to say you made a good decision on not putting up a tree if you're moving in January. We moved in our new house last February and didn't put up a tree last year. Packing and moving was hectic enough without adding additional unpacking and packing of Christmas decorations.

    11. #10
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      I believe life is too short to spend my holidays like that, always waiting for the next jab. I wouldn't go. Husband can go or not go with no resentment from you if he wants to go. Call in sick or just say you want to start spending the holidays at your house. You are entitled to enjoy them. You could always invite your in-laws to your house. Your house, your rules. If MIL declines, well there is always "facetime". I honestly would not want to look back at all the holidays spent with unpleasant memories. Have a lovely holiday with your husband and Luna and a 5 minute Facetime or phone call.
      Save gas, stay off the roads and enjoy some holiday cheer!
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