In- laws...

[MontananDakota]

I don't feel it is about me at all. I feel it is rude behavior to show up & expect to take my child without asking me. Because she does have some independence ( going to friends houses and ballet classes) I expect my MIL to realize that calling and asking ahead would be appropriate. Simply because my dd does do other things, next should;d come time with her parents, then time with her grandparents. Which is why asking is necessary. To just show up & expect to take her somewhere without asking me-what then if I've already decided we're going to do something that day?? Now I have to stop those plans because my MIL decided to come?
Overprotective? at the time the over night incident occurred she was 3 1/2. she was not just crying, she was hysterical for an hour. She clearly did NOT want to spend the night. I was the same way at that age & I wasn't comfortable sleeping away from home until I was older. I expect my dd will become comfortable with it in her own time. How is that overprotective? Again-I do not discourage her relationship with her grandparents at all, I do encourage it. I simply feel like its rude for her to show up & expect to take her whenever she wants, without asking me ahead of time, without considering our time with her.
I am thankful my dd has grandparents that adore her. I just wish they'd call & ask. Is that really too much? really?

[krosen]

I have to say by what you have written, I think I would feel much more in-debt to my MIL if she cared for my kid everyday. Sometimes kids need time away from mom and dad, and what better people to be away with than grandma and grandpa. She babysat for you, yet you don't seem to be making the effort to go see her often, or encourage your child to want to see them.

My MIL lives 45 minutes away, we drive there(she doesn't drive) every second Sunday and spend a few hours there. Is it hard on me who works all week, has 3 kids in sports to lose 6-7 hours of every second Sunday, you bet, but it is family and they have grown to love their grandparents so much. My children never wanted to stay over, and I never made them, but hubby and I would go run an errand or two while we were there just so they could have one on one with the kids without us.
They gardened, and baked, went to the park, etc... it kind of sounds like your daughter is feeding off your vibes about your MIL, because I am not sure how a grandchild who was babysat day in and day out is not closer than she is with this woman.

Time with you and your daughter is precious, but just keep in mind that you are with her every morning, after school, driving her and picking her up from activities, putting her to bed, etc...this is all quality time. You do not need to make every day that she is not doing an activity about you and her.

[MontananDakota]

She was 3 1/2 when she went there every day, she is 7 1/2 now, she's just grown accustomed to her own life now with her school & friends. She does want to see them and I do take her however there's been a lot going on lately so I haven't had the time to take her which is why my MIL wants to come take her.

[voodoo]

in laws are awesome to drop off your kids when they get "bratty"

always look at the positive

[arentspowell]

I have to agree with Sue. Of course your daughter is going to cry when you've made a huge production about staying at the grandmothers house!

Grandparents don't live forever! I'm 25 years old now and no longer live close to the only two grandparents I have left. Every time I see them I wonder if it's the last time I'm ever going to be able to hug and kiss and tell them how much I love them. I had a wonderful relationship with them growing up, they practically raised me! My parents didn't have "rules" with my grandparents. Of course they were respectful of boundaries but my parents gave them free reign to make decisions when we were in their care, including discipline but they never had to discipline us, grandparents always let the kids get away with much more than the parents

Sorry if I'm being too forward here but I think you're projecting your feelings onto your daughter.

[MontananDakota]

Huge production??? we didn't make a huge production. At the time she went there every day while I was at work. My mil & I planned this-without her knowledge of course she was 3 1/2 at the time. I simply dropped her off & she stayed over. No production whatsoever there....?

and "Of course they were respectful of boundaries..." that is the key here.

[gundog]

You don't have to defend yourself. Your kids and your rules. Grandparents can be part of the solution or part of the problem.....and since it was said that they won't be around forever......the grandparents should make sure they are part of the solution.

[arentspowell]

I fail to see what was so wrong and so out of line with her telling your daughter that they can go to the flea market together. If you don't want her to go then she doesn't have to go. You're making to sound like she's going to run in and grab your daughter without your permission which I doubt is the case. It seems more like she made a suggestion for an outing, you're the mother you can suggest something else.

[Sue]

We planned a sleepover a few years back because my dd had never slept over & we thought it was time. We (MIL and I) picked a day & I dropped her off. My dd didn't think twice because at that time she went there every day while I worked. I told her before hand what to expect and she was leery but we went ahead anyway. As night approached she started getting upset & when bedtime came she cried hysterically for about an hour. My MIL didn't tell me this until I picked her up the next day. I was upset. My dd has since because of that refused to sleep over there again. So there'll be no sleepovers until shes ready. She enjoys seeing them but to go with them for a whole day or night-she doesn't want to, shes not that close with them and its not anyone's fault-they just live an hour away.

Huge production??? we didn't make a huge production. At the time she went there every day while I was at work. My mil & I planned this-without her knowledge of course she was 3 1/2 at the time. I simply dropped her off & she stayed over. No production whatsoever there....?

And my granddaughter was about the same age. She also did the crying thing when she was 2. And although no crying at the latest attempt, she wouldn't go to sleep, kept getting out of bed saying she wanted to go home.

I agree with Ashley. She's picking up your vibes, and not wanting to go because of it. I still fail to see how MIL can have babysat her, saving you money and aggravation, and now they're not close?

Now like I said earlier, it's rude for them to just come over and expect you to drop everything and let her go, but if there is nothing planned, what's the big deal? Is there a safety issue you haven't mentioned? Do they abuse her?

Please remember, grandparents are there to teach, love, expose their grandchildren to a different world than what they're used to. To broaden their experience, so to speak. And if the rules are a little bent, it's still all good.

Now, you might want to suggest a different outing to your MIL than the flea market. But gee, even my boys loved yard saling, and they absolutely loved going to the huge flea market with us when they were that age. You need to let your daughter go.

[MontananDakota]

"Now like I said earlier, it's rude for them to just come over and expect you to drop everything and let her go" this is my whole point.
She's not picking up my vibes at all I am sure, I encouraged her to go on a day we plan for it.
It's not that they're not "close" but she just doesn't want to go with them for the whole day. It's not something she does regularly. She's not super close I will say, since we don't see them every weekend. When we do go there my MIL is busy stressing at the table that the kids are making a mess & its too loud. So everyone takes their kids & goes home. I don't want to defend myself, I really was just venting that my MIL wanted to come at her convenience & take my dd for the day without asking in advance. I prefer people ask me because I like to make the most of the time I have with her. That is all.
Thanks everybody for your input, I do appreciate it all