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    Thread: In- laws...

    1. #1
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      In- laws...

      my goodness where to start. My MIL has been overbearing since the day I found out I was pregnant. My dd is 7 and since she's involved in ballet & cheer-leading she's busy sometimes. I try to keep a set amount of downtime for her though because I don't want her to be running non stop. I believe she needs time home with us, just playing. So my MIL saw her Memorial Day and non stop complained "oh I miss you please come see me more" the following weekend they drove to out house-about an hours drive and again the same complaining. She then said to my dd "next time we go the flea market we'll come & pick you up & give you a few dollars to walk around the flea market with Pop Pop....we'll come get you & take you is that ok?" She did not ask me. I am annoyed that she did not ask me & I am annoyed that she keep the complaining without first understanding that :
      1. its a long drive
      2. she does other things too, play dates, ballet, etc. which means that ---> 3. she needs downtime too, so maybe asking Mom for a time to visit would be more appropriate so that time with Mommy & Daddy comes 1st.
      I don't appreciate the lure with $ either. My dd doesn't want to go unless I go with her(she's just like that, I was the same way growing up) and I am not going.
      I was thinking of taking her to their house for a visit maybe next w/e & just mentioning that yes we're here because we kind of have a busy calendar & she wasn't keen on the flea market idea so to I brought her so you could visit. But how do I say hey listen "my time with her is important so don't just show up at my house wanting to take my kid.(and without asking me)..??

    2. #2
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      Oh boy.... no advice but I see my future in your post. My baby isn't even born yet (2-3 weeks to go!) and my MIL asked my last night if she could be the first grandma to hold the baby. And is already letting me know that we had better let her see her grand baby at least once a week, "or else". What. FUN!

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    3. #3
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      OMG. that is just not even funny you poor poor thing!!!!!
      Congratulations on your impending joy though.
      But what in God's name would make a person ask that of you?

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    5. #4
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      No advice really. DH lost his mom when he was around 1st grade then his dad right after high school so I have no clue on the parental in-laws, I get along great with my sister and brother in law. Maybe leave it up to your DD and what she wants to do on her free time.

    6. #5
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      While I agree that mommy and daddy time comes 1st, I also think your parents time with your children is very important. Grandparents are family, and they need time with their grandchildren as well. I think you need to make time for both mommy and daddy as well as granny and gramps. I also see nothing wrong with your mom telling your daughter she'd like to go here or go there with her. I think that's very normal of grandparents to do. My dad is always saying to my kids, how about we bus it to a movie next weekend, sometimes it pans out, sometimes it doesn't. No big deal.

      Also, at 7, if you have to make or search for downtime with her in order to do things with her she may be doing to much. There are a lot of warnings for young children regarding overloading them with activities. For me, we make family a priority. That includes great-grandparents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and siblings.

      My kids pick one sport in the summer and one in the winter. If they need to miss a soccer practice for a family function or to go visit a family member then so be it.

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    8. #6
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      I guess I am gonna be the devils advocate here . . . extended family such as grandparents are important in a child's life, IMO. Both of my grandmothers were dead long before I came along and I missed out on a lot because of it. DW's grandmother taught her to sew, knit, cook traditional dishes handed down from her parents and the bond was tremendous. The family pride is enormous.
      There's bad grandparents out there, I'm sure, but a lot mean well and just want to love their grandchildren. It's my opinion that to deny your child of her grandparent is doing wrong to both her and the grandmother. Two sides to each story.

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    10. #7
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      Okay well I don't know the In laws personally to know exactly how overbearing they are but...I think it's great they are so close involved and your daughter has them in her life. Does your daughter like visiting with them? Does she ever complain? They may annoy you but do they annoy your daughter? Both my grandfathers died before I was born and my grandmothers are now gone also. When they were alive it was at least a days drive to see them and I only got to see them once a year. We have a limited amount of time to spend with our grandparents and I think it's a precious relationship. Also, what grandparent doesn't spoil their grandchildren with gifts, money, and treats? Maybe you could ask them to come to some of your daughters dance recitals or something so she feels like she is being included (and then maybe she will butt in less)?
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    12. #8
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      In order for her to have the down time I see important-then Grammy & Pop Pop need to wait is what I'm essentially saying here. Because I agree that young children shouldn't be so scheduled and parents time comes 1st, this is partially why I am annoyed. She needs to understand that she cannot just pop over & take my child. If there is a playdate on a Saturday then Sunday is off limits. If she has a ballet class on Friday then taking her on a Saturday is not going to be a good idea. It is not my mother-my mother would discuss in advance, while my MIL likes to just show up & want to take my dd. I'm a firm believer in family first & agree grandparents need time with grandchildren-they play a vital role, however I am not on board with ANYone making plans to take my child without discussing it with me first. It's just the way I am and since my MIL has always been overbearing ( she refused to follow my feeding schedule when my dd was an infant because she did not agree with it-just an example) it is an ongoing thing.

    13. #9
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      being a grandparent is a very special treat. for both the children , and the grandparents. while i hear you say, she was overbearing, and didnt follow your rules, and i get that can be annoying, and yes, she should discuss with you anything that she wants to do with your child, try and put yourself in her shoes.if you can.

      i am a very careful mother in law, never offer advice unless asked, always drop everything to help, if asked.
      and am very happy that we have 3 grandchildren, 2 boys and one girl.
      my daughter in law, will one day, be a mother in law, with sons.
      get it?

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    15. #10
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      Whoopsadaisy...yes it is wonderful that they love her so, but my MIL is a VERY pushy person & oversteps her bounds. I don't agree with her setting rules for my child-that is my job & her fathers job. My dd loves them, likes to be with them but she doesn't like going with them without me & she doesn't like long drives. I like your idea-I've invited them to the recital & will give them her cheering schedule so they can go to her games. And they will go to every single one of them too-to watch & judge me on my parenting skills for sure.

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