Need some advise

[Jollymolly]

I have a situation with my neighbors dog. His name is Kawlija. He is an almost 3 year old Lab. Molly loves him. He has always come over and asked to come in and play with her. Lately he has been coming over more and more. on some days he is at my house for several hours. Well tonight he showed up and I let him in and he went to sleep on my feet. I truly feel like he is my part time dog. I also feel like he is starting to to choose me over his family. Unfortunately he is left alone a lot and hangs out in their yard. But now anytime they leave he just comes over to chill with us. Im not sure how to stop this but really we have gone to uptown 6 hours some days. And now he wants in at night. If any of you have any advise Id appreciate it. Oh the other issue is if I tell my neighbour I dont want him. to come over they are going to put a shock collar on him. I feel wrong to punish him for looking for something he needs. I just think he is lacking attention. I really dont want to feel like I stole their dog. But he truly is coming over more and more and for longer amounts of time. I must add that I have told them about it. I even call him my part time dog.

[Berna]

Just stop letting him in and ignore him. I see no other way.

[Snowshoe]

Oh boy. Would you like another dog? I'd be tempted to just let him come in and stay, especially overnight, and see what reaction you get from his owners. Maybe they'd like to find him a good home. Once he's yours maybe you could rehome him to a fabulous new home. ?? Mind you, I think that's how I got 7 of the 8 cats here.

[Jollymolly]

Im ok with him adopting me. I feel for him. I already take care of their animals when they are gone. including the chickens. I have been telling her this has been going on for weeks and they have done nothing to give him more attention. I don't feed him unless they won't be home late. I even go to their house to feed them. It's weird because they recently chose to pull their girls from school and home school them. I think this increase of visits started then.

[Jollymolly]

Well I have stopped letting him come over after dark. I din't have the heart to just stop him from hanging out and playing with Molly.

[Jeff]

The problem as I see it, and it is a hard one, is different people have different views of their pets. Even inside the same family. People have that with their children, spouses, friends just different views. Some people such as your neighbors, don't value the relationship with their dog the same way you value your relationship with your animals. It's why your here at this forum to find and share with people that value animals the same way you do. Why people don't all feel like us, I will never know. This never became more clear to me than when Hemi passed. I went to a local pet loss grief support group. We went around a circle and talked and shared our loss and our stories. This honestly was a slap in the face to me, I never went back, these people were not the same. As everyone here knows Hemi was treasured by me, or at least I hope they know. There were 8 people there including myself, and while they were all grieving, of that I have no doubt, the stark differences in the thoughts and memories and in how their pets lived and passed were shocking to me. To where this was not comforting to me but appalling. A couple examples, was a lady that had her dog since it was a puppy nurtured it cared for it, it grew old with her 15 years old, it had cancer. She took it to the vet to be put down and left it, to die alone. However she was here grieving and obviously in pain. I was silently like how do you not be with them at the end, that thought was unthinkable to me. Another lady, her dog died after 11 years, she immediately went out the next day to get a replacement, yet she was here grieving the lost one. I just could not relate to that, I know people do it, but the loss of Hemi I just felt like nothing could ever replace him, they can't I still miss him every day. Cliff is no replacement he is different but I needed time to heal and grieve. Another guy, his story made no sense and I think he was lying, his dog was up on the breakfast table eating his kids cereal, he was angry and grabbed him and threw him outside in the back yard. They couldn't find him 10 minutes later after he cooled down and the family searched and searched then thought to lift up the pool cover and he was in the pool drowned. Horrible way to go, but so many questions, this whole story just stunk. Since I put a pool in for Hemi, the winter cover was secured and sealed down so wind won't lift it up and small animals can't get in and drown. This was a pug mix, so much about his story just seemed off and wrong and just false. Then they got to me, and while I was grieving, I was also celebrating my time with Hemi, remembering the things we did, the life we had and that I was with him in the end. Sometimes it is easy to see why vets get sometimes numb to everything they see. How many times must a vet put an animal down that has been abandoned by it's owner or failed by it's owner. I was there at vets office one day in the summer 90 degrees where they had an emergency dog rushed in owner had locked it in the car. You hear about that and you just go how does this happen.

Anyway, I tell these stories as I get it. I totally know what your feeling and seeing. However, unfortunately, some people just do not see it the same on their dogs life as you or I or other people on this forum do. They do love the dog, I am sure, in their own way and they consider him theirs and think he is happy. Unfortunately, your gift in life is to see things differently and experience a bond with animals that others will never ever have. It is a gift that can also be your burden. To you, you can see the problems, you have seen more potential in the dog and can empathize with it. To them they love the dog but it may be all they can give, this could be temporary, or maybe all they know how to give, but also to them the thought of giving the dog up is not something they want to do either as they truly believe they are doing right by the dog. I look back at my childhood dog sometimes and think about her. I loved her as much as possible but she never got to experience the things Hemi did, she in her lifetime never got to experience the things Cliff already has in his short time. She unfortunately grew up in a time when you spanked dogs with a rolled up news paper when they were bad instead of praising them when they were good, her toy was when my dad got a hole in his sock, one sock got stuffed in another and you tied the end shut. I still loved her very much, it was just all I knew back then, I often wish I could go back and change her life and this is my own dog, I could see her emotions and feel her it was hard for me to deal with my own and hers at the same time. These people may be the same way, they love him but this is how they know to love him, maybe there are just things going on right now in their world you don't know and they are doing the best they can.

I can't really tell you what exactly to do. Sometimes, you just have to accept you can't save everyone or every dog and it is hard to just watch. Also take comfort in knowing you give him a bright spot in his day or in his life. You can flat out talk to the people and say you would like to adopt him if that's an option, he may be too much for them to handle, however be prepared they may not understand that you are doing that with the intention of giving the dog a better home and they might think what's wrong with their home and may even resent you for it. Another thing you can choose to have as much of a relationship with this dog as you want but know in the long run he is not yours and someday he may not be allowed to come around, or he may as he gets older choose not to, when that day comes you have to be prepared to accept it as well as hard as it can be. It sucks because you will be taking on a burden that's not technically yours. That's not a bad option either, they may even be receptive to that. I think of it like my sister when her son was growing up, he had a friend that had a terrible home life, his mom was divorced single mom working 2 jobs, he was alone a lot. He would spend the night once in a while, have fun with her son, she just fed him and cared for him like one of the family. He called my sister mom and I was uncle Jeff he just fit right in, he was never ours, our time was limited but when he was around it was fine. Him mom did appreciate he had someone until she finally after a few years was able to get things together, he still came around but his home was now a happy home. That's one thing we never know is the future. Lastly you can choose to push the dog away. He may not understand why, but that will also protect yourself.

I don't know if I helped, all I can do though in understand what your feeling.

[Jollymolly]

Jeff
I really want to thank you for putting that all into words. K for sort is very much a part of my home. I really do consider him my part time dog. My neighbor and I are close as far as watching each others properties. I am close to their kids as well. I have told them if he is not home he is probably in my home. I have suggested we get walkie talkies lol. I am not going to stop loving this boy. I enjoy watching his mind grow and all that he is willing to do. Very often he just comes and hangs out with us. I am enjoying opening his eyes to more things. I have discovered that he would make a great sniffer dog. SO we are playing find the treat games. I have started attaching other scents to boxes and hide a holes on the property for him. He is loving the brain interaction.